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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27882210">whoever says it first is the bravest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/smc_27/pseuds/smc_27'>smc_27</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Society (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fake Dating</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:23:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,054</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27882210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/smc_27/pseuds/smc_27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He realizes very suddenly that if he didn’t think she was attractive, he wouldn’t be suggesting any of this at all. He likes Allie. She makes him laugh, and that’s always been true. And yeah, he checks her out with some regularity, because...Well, because she looks the way she does and he likes it. </p>
<p>She starts getting up, which...Maybe his eyes go a little frantic and she can tell. </p>
<p>“I’ll think about it.”</p>
<p>“Wait.” It comes out as a laugh and he catches up with her, walks next to her with his hand in his pocket. “For how long?”</p>
<p>She gives him a look that’s hotter than she means for it to be, he’d bet, and says, “However long I need.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Bingham/Allie Pressman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>whoever says it first is the bravest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’s never been broken up with before. Not really.</p>
<p>Fuck. Of course he hasn’t. Kelly’s his first and only actual, real girlfriend. Her standing in front of him in his bedroom telling him she can’t do this anymore and that she’s sorry he’s afraid to be alone is…</p>
<p>This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. </p>
<p>“I’m not,” he tells her, then reaches for her. She lets him hold her by her hips, but she’s not looking at him. He doesn’t like that. Not even a little. At all. “I just want you.”</p>
<p>“We’re getting too old for that to be enough, Harry,” she says, and then there’re tears shining in her eyes, and he’s trying not to panic thinking this is really over. He can’t seem to find the right words that might make her change her mind and not leave here with them broken up. </p>
<p>What he says is, “But you love me,” which he thinks sounds like a fucking awful response, so he adds on, “We love each other,” because that’s better and also true. He thinks. Like, she fucking said it to him yesterday. It has to be true. </p>
<p>She wipes at her tears and shakes her head. What the fuck does that mean? She must see on his face that he <i>needs to know what that means</i>, because she says, “That’s not enough either.”</p>
<p>Harry doesn’t have an argument for that. Because he thinks it’s bullshit, honestly. If you love someone and want to be with them, what else is there? Literally, what else is there? It should be enough to at least <i>want</i> to make it work. She’s not even telling him what he did wrong, or maybe actually it’s more like she’s not telling him what he could do differently. And he’s not an idiot. They’re not perfect together and he knows that, but they’ve been together so long and he cares about her so much, and…</p>
<p>Doesn’t it mean something to her that they’ve got all this history?</p>
<p>Apparently it doesn’t. Because she kisses his cheek and wipes her eyes again before she says, “I’m sorry,” like she knows she’s doing something wrong and is just choosing to do it anyway.</p>
<p>He thinks that’s sort of fucked up of her, honestly. She’s doing the thing she always told him was kind of awful when he did it. </p>
<p>He doesn’t go down to dinner, and his mom doesn’t check on him or say anything about it. His little sister brings him up a plate, because she’s like, too good for this world, honestly - at least too good for this house and this family - and sits on his bed with him while he eats. She asks him if he’s okay, and he lies and says yes, because she’s about the only person who can’t tell when he’s lying. Weird that he doesn’t do it much. </p>
<p>After she’s in bed, he goes downstairs to pour himself a drink. His mom’s sitting right there and doesn’t say anything to him about it. Which isn’t new, but there’s a part of him that wonders every time if she’ll remind him he’s only 18. She never does. He should think harder about why it bothers him, but he doesn’t because it works out to his benefit. So fuck it. </p>
<p>He leans against the mantle with his glass in his hand and she finally looks up from her laptop and acknowledges he’s there. </p>
<p>“Kelly and I broke up,” he tells her, and he immediately realizes he’s not telling her so she can provide comfort. That’s almost laughable at this point. “Just...Before you hear it from someone else.”</p>
<p>She tilts her head, gives him a smile he can’t tell is real or fake, and says, “I’m sorry about that,” like it’s somehow her fault. </p>
<p>He might think harder about that, too, but one of the reasons he stopped going to therapy is that he learned everything is his parents’ fault, so what’s the point of spending an hour a week reliving all the shit that’s happened only to have the doctor repeat the same thing over and over? </p>
<p>In his room, he drinks his drink fast, puts on some music and lies back on his bed staring at the ceiling til he falls asleep. He doesn’t think the numbness comes from the little splash of alcohol he had in that crystal glass. He thinks it’s something else entirely. </p>
<p>By Thursday, literally everyone at school knows he and Kelly aren’t together. Honestly, it’s probably way before that, he’s just trying not to pay attention to the way people are looking at him. Actually, the looks aren’t that bad. The looking <i>away</i> and then talking like he doesn’t know it’s about him is the fucked up part. And it’s not like he can avoid Kelly, right? Like, they have homeroom and three classes together, and all the same friends. He goes off campus for lunch the first day because he doesn’t want either of them to have to go through deciding if they’re actually going to sit at the same table in the caf.</p>
<p>Cassandra, after English Lit on Wednesday as they’re leaving and somehow he didn’t notice until she was talking that they ended up side by side, even says, “I heard about you and Kelly. That must be really hard.”</p>
<p>He gives her a look, wonders why the fuck she even cares. He shrugs his shoulder, but Cassandra can sort of see right through him. It’s one of the reasons he doesn’t like her. One of the many. God, there are so many. </p>
<p>“I’ll live,” he tells her, and she actually looks sympathetic, which...Honestly, one of the things that sets him on edge with her is that everything she does feels so fake. But this is real. Like, apparently her line for actually treating him like a human being is heartbreak. Good to know. “See ya.”</p>
<p>He walks off because he was about to do something really fucking stupid, like have a legitimate conversation with her.</p>
<p>When he rounds the corner, he nearly walks smack into Allie, who’s laughing at something with Will and isn’t looking where she’s going. Harry puts his hand on her arm to steady her when she leans a little from having to stop so abruptly. She looks up at him, still smiling from whatever was so funny, and…</p>
<p>Okay, the thing about Allie is he thinks she’s the only one in this place - the school or, fuck, maybe even the town - who doesn’t judge him or shit on him or treat him like every rumour or thing she hears about him is true. Okay, there are probably some things she hears about him that she thinks are true, but she never looks at him like he’s a scumbag when people start saying shit about whatever happened at a party, or any other thing they might say. And he knows that after his dad died, she tore a strip off Gwen for saying something really fucking shitty about the kind of guy his dad was. He knows because he heard her. </p>
<p>He thinks Allie’s better than everyone, almost, and he thinks part of the reason he believes that is because she doesn’t. </p>
<p>“You okay?” he asks, and she nods, blinks up at him. </p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Allie?” Will asks, like he’s gotta prompt her to go to her next class or something, which is fucking stupid, because like, that’s how this whole thing works. </p>
<p>God, he can’t stand Will.</p>
<p>If Harry lets his thumb move back and forth over her skin twice before he pulls his hand away, that can be between him and Allie. </p>
<p>He knows Luke’s having a party on Saturday, because it’s been planned since the guy’s parents said they were going to Vermont to visit Luke’s sister and her husband and he didn’t want to go and they thought he was old enough to stay at home, or whatever. They’re taking Luke’s younger brother with them. Harry texts Kelly, says he knows she wants to go and he’s not going, so she can enjoy herself, or whatever. Something like that. He’s a little high when he sends the message. He just wants her to know he’s not gonna be there so she doesn’t miss out. Because he cares about her. They’ve not even been broken up a week so it’s not that big a shock that he like, gives a shit, or whatever. </p>
<p>Saturday evening, he flops down on the sofa with his sister and his mom’s there on the chair actually not working for once. She says something about how it’s the first time in ages they’ve all been home for an evening on the weekend, and then her face kind of lights up. She says they should have a movie marathon and eat a bunch of food that’s bad for them and pull the cushions from the basement sofas - the ones that are all beat up and therefore the most comfortable - upstairs to the living room like they used to. That’s what she says. “Like we used to.” </p>
<p>Like they did before their dad died. </p>
<p>Honestly, Harry thinks he might fucking cry about how much he loves this. His mom sends him off with her credit card to get a bunch of snacks at the grocery store, then go pick up their order from the diner. Their dad’s favourite place in town where he always used to get the souvlaki because he said it was awful but he respected the choice to have one single Greek item on the menu of greasy diner food. The audacity spurred him on. Harry’s only remembering that now. He thinks that’s the most fucked up thing about losing someone so close to you. Just when you think you’re starting to forget random little things like that, something hits you in the fucking gut. </p>
<p>He spins his key ring on his finger as he walks through the door to the diner, which is pretty busy, actually, for a Saturday at 6pm. It’s like, not even just the early bird dinner crowd, either. When he leans on the counter as the server goes to grab his order from the back, he glances around and sees Allie and Will sitting in a booth along the wall. It looks like they’ve been here a while. They’ve got empty plates pushed to the edge of the table and a piece of pie between them, school books all spread out. Allie’s sipping on a strawberry milkshake and looking at Will who has his head down. </p>
<p>Harry is hit with a realization and honestly feels like a fucking idiot for never seeing it before. They’re together all the time, yeah, but they’re best friends so that makes sense. But this…</p>
<p>Harry knows how girls look at people they’re into. Allie isn’t looking at Will like they’re just best friends. He wonders if they’re together. But no, they can’t be. Unless it’s all a big secret, which seems stupid and he wouldn’t understand why.</p>
<p>She sets her drink down and pushes her hair back, which looks good on her. Really, most things look good on her because she’s good looking. He’s noticed that before, obviously. </p>
<p>“Harry?” the server says, loud enough to get his attention but also apparently Allie’s, too, and then he pays for the food and gives Allie a little nod and smile. </p>
<p>She smiles back. He likes that. </p>
<p>He sees Kelly after school during the week at the prom committee meeting. And he remembers the only reason he joined was because she asked him to and said it’d be fun. Which it isn’t and never has been. But it’s especially shitty now since he doesn’t have a girlfriend or a prom date or any reason to give a single fuck about the colour scheme or catering for this stupid thing. </p>
<p>Kelly sits next to him because that’s the seat that’s available, and she gives him a weak smile he tries to ignore, but that’s hard, too. Because that smile is about the saddest thing, and usually when she’s sad he’s the one trying to cheer her up. And vice versa, honestly. But this isn’t about him. Not really. It’s about her. She’s obviously having a hard time with this, too, and so why in the fuck are they still doing it? </p>
<p>They broke up once before. Last summer for two weeks when she thought he was hitting on Brittany Hudson at that beach party, but he wasn’t. He <i>wasn’t</i>. Kelly had just been pissed because he was <i>talking</i> to someone else. And maybe he and Brittany were talking about the craziest places they’d ever made out, but <i>so was everyone else</i> because they were literally all playing the same stupid game as they were drinking. Kelly was just insecure because Brittany’s pretty. He’s not being a dick, that’s literally what she’d said. And they talked it out. They spent the last half of that second week talking about things and making promises to be better to each other, or whatever, and god, he’s been <i>trying</i>. He’s not a shit boyfriend, okay? He’s not bad at being there for her. He was, a little, but it was when his dad fucking died and he could barely be good to himself let alone anyone else. That doesn’t count. It shouldn’t count. He wasn’t a dick to her, or anything, he was just absent. But he thinks he should get a pass on that. </p>
<p>“Kel, wait,” he says as they’re leaving. He jogs down the hall after her and he notices the yearbook committee meeting is letting out, too. He hates that they aren’t alone. That he can’t get her alone. He reaches for her hand but she moves it, crosses her arms and looks at her. </p>
<p>“What, Harry?” she asks quietly, and like...God, it’s like she has nothing to say to him. How can she have <i>nothing</i> to say to him? All he’s been thinking about all week is that she’s the only person he wants to talk to and he’s got all this shit he doesn’t know who to turn to about. </p>
<p>“Can we grab coffee or something? Talk?”</p>
<p>She tilts her head. Behind her, right in his line of sight, is Allie and that girl Becca. Allie looks away when she notices him looking in her direction. He wonders how people get their faces to do that, you know? To show their feelings all over them without even trying. </p>
<p>“No,” Kelly says, almost a whisper, and… “No, we shouldn’t do that.”</p>
<p>“But I…”</p>
<p>“We’re over,” she tells him, and it sounds harsh as fuck, and he doesn’t like it, and he just stares at her and can feel his walls going up because he doesn’t like to feel like a fucking idiot. “We just have to figure out how to be around each other now. Being alone together isn’t going to do anything.”</p>
<p>Harry says, “Fine,” but feels anything but. He’s standing here like, still in love with her and trying to figure out how to get back together, and she’s practically telling him there’s no chance in hell. </p>
<p>But he also knows the look on her face. He knows she still has feelings for him. If he can just get her to admit it, if he can get her to remember how good they are together when they’re both trying, then maybe…</p>
<p>She turns around to walk down the hall. Past her, Allie’s laughing when Will comes up behind her and puts her in a little weird headlock thing. </p>
<p>Harry watches that instead of Kelly because it hurts less.</p>
<p>He also, then, notices the way Will’s quick to take his hands off Allie when he notices Kelly. The way he says, “Hey, Kelly,” with that goofy smile on his face. The way Allie looks disappointed. </p>
<p>He takes the long way to get to the parking lot so he doesn’t have to walk past them. </p>
<p>It’s another week before he gets the idea. </p>
<p>And it’s a stupid idea that he has to even talk himself into. </p>
<p>It’s just that now when he sees Allie and Will all he can see is how she looks at the guy, how she leans into him when they’re looking at something on his phone at lunch, and shit like that. And he sees - and he knows Allie does, too - the way Will’s eyes track Kelly when she walks past. It pisses Harry off, yeah, but he knows it shouldn’t and he’s trying not to be gross and possessive about it. And he’s a little used to it, because Kelly’s hot and people look at her and that’s always been the case. </p>
<p>Anyway, by ‘he has to talk himself into it’, what he really means is that when he leans against the locker next to Allie’s as she’s dropping her books between classes and getting different ones and says, “We should help each other out,” he just barely believes himself that it’s even an idea worth saying out loud. </p>
<p>The way Allie looks at him plainly says she doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. And it’s not like they never talk. It’s a small town and a small school and it’s not weird for him to start a conversation with her. He thinks the last time they spoke one on one was about the play. He’d told her she did a good job - because it was true - and she’d smiled up at him and said he did, too. Then they had a conversation about the whole production, and that morphed into something about their futures, and then Kelly was leaning against him, tucked under his arm, telling Allie she looked pretty in the shade of blue she was wearing. Which she did. </p>
<p>“Why am I scared to ask what that means?”</p>
<p>He laughs, because it’s a little funny, and holds his books against his hip. “We should maybe not talk about it here. What are you doing for lunch?”</p>
<p>She narrows her eyes and then closes her locker, looks up at him with this overly suspicious expression on her face. It’s kind of cute. </p>
<p>She asks, “Who wants to know?” which is funny. He rolls his eyes. “What are you doing? What is this?”</p>
<p>He just smiles, then the warning bell goes, so he pushes off the lockers and says, “Meet me by my car? I’ll fill you in.”</p>
<p>She might not show. She probably won’t show. She has no reason to. </p>
<p>But then as he’s standing there scrolling through TikTok as he waits, he sees her in her oversized sweater with her arms crossed on her chest, looking distinctly like she doesn’t know that she’s making the right decision by actually meeting him. </p>
<p>Suddenly he’s having second thoughts about asking her to leave campus. It feels like a maybe creepy thing to do and he doesn't want her to be uncomfortable. So he gestures to the picnic table nearby that no one’s claimed yet, and she walks over and joins him when he sits down. </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” is what she says before like, hey, or whatever. It makes him laugh. </p>
<p>He figures he can be just as blunt in return, right? </p>
<p>“You like Will.” Her eyes fly up to his and she looks panicked. “I’ve noticed you looking at him.”</p>
<p>“I…” She rubs her lips together. She’s hot, so he notices the gesture is sexy, but he’s obviously not going to bring it up. “Do you think he’s noticed?”</p>
<p>Yes. He does. Absolutely. There’s no way Will hasn’t noticed. </p>
<p>Harry shrugs. “Not sure. But I do know that I want Kelly back and you want Will, and so there’s maybe a way for us to figure out how to make that happen.” She squints at him, but doesn’t say anything. It’s better than a no. “Look, it’s not crazy.”</p>
<p>She laughs, gives him a wry smile and leans forward, her elbows on the table. “It’s a little crazy,” she says, so he just smiles back at her. “Like, what’s your plan here, Harry? Make them jealous so they’ll see what they’re missing?” <i>Yeah</i>? He shrugs, and she shakes her head. She’s still smiling, though. “That’s not going to work.”</p>
<p>“Speak for yourself,” he says, and then realizes maybe that sounds shitty. “Kelly hates it when I talk to other girls.”</p>
<p>Allie lets out a laugh. “Have you considered that maybe doing a thing she hates is part of the reason she broke up with you in the first place?” Okay, that’s…<i>That’s</i> shitty. He just stares at her across the table like he wants her to get that without him saying it out loud. “Sorry. That was...I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” he says, because it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to care what Allie thinks of him, really. At least not any more than he usually does. “I’m not suggesting we like, make out in front of them, or anything.” Okay, now she just looks amused. “Just do shit like this. Make sure they see us together. It doesn’t have to be that deep.”</p>
<p>Allie puts her hand into her hair. She’s got really great hair. So does he. He sort of wonders what they might look like together, like in a selfie or something with their heads bent together. </p>
<p>What the fuck is he even thinking? </p>
<p>“And you think my sister is going to be okay with shit like this?” She uses air quotes around the words he’d said, which he thinks is funny. </p>
<p>Harry rolls his eyes, though. Dramatically. Extra dramatically. “I think your sister could mind her own fucking business.”</p>
<p>He only realizes after he’s said it that maybe that was entirely the wrong thing. But he can tell she’s trying not to smile, so maybe…</p>
<p>“If I say yes,” she says, and he knows he’s smiling. She sighs. “<i>If</i> I say yes. Which I’m not doing right now. But if I do.” He grins at her, because she’s really doing the most, isn’t she? He thinks she’ll agree. “I’m absolutely not going to put up with you hanging off me and being all showy and weird about it.”</p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p>She shrugs. “The way you’d always have your arm around Kelly and stuff. That’s not my thing.”</p>
<p>“Whoa,” he laughs, then leans forward again. “We’re not like, <i>dating</i>. I just wanna flirt with you in the hallways, or whatever.” </p>
<p>Allie blushing? Cute as fuck. </p>
<p>He realizes very suddenly that if he didn’t think she was attractive, he wouldn’t be suggesting any of this at all. He likes Allie. She makes him laugh, and that’s always been true. And yeah, he checks her out with some regularity, because...Well, because she looks the way she does and he likes it. </p>
<p>She starts getting up, which...Maybe his eyes go a little frantic and she can tell. </p>
<p>“I’ll think about it.”</p>
<p>“Wait.” It comes out as a laugh and he catches up with her, walks next to her with his hand in his pocket. “For how long?”</p>
<p>She gives him a look that’s hotter than she means for it to be, he’d bet, and says, “However long I need.”</p>
<p>He waits a moment, til they’re almost at the door to go back inside, and he decides to reach out and touch her elbow gently with his fingertips. “Have you told him how you feel?”</p>
<p>Yeah, he’s genuinely asking. He’s not trying to be a dick or throw something in her face. He wants to know. And he says it delicately because it’s important. </p>
<p>Allie stops, looks up at him. She shakes her head. “I don’t know what to say.”</p>
<p>Harry nods. He thinks she should just be blunt about it. He doesn’t think she has any problems with that, normally, if the way she talks to <i>him</i> is any indication. </p>
<p>“If he thinks he’s losing you, he might say something first,” he tells her, and this isn’t a <i>game</i>, really. He’s being honest with her. It’s not a difficult thing to do. </p>
<p>She looks at him a second, then she sort of smiles and looks away and <i>yes</i>, he thinks she’s gonna do it. That this is her agreeing. </p>
<p>What she does is gesture with her head towards the door and asks, “Aren’t you going to get that for me?”</p>
<p>Harry smiles too widely and does it, and they walk into the caf together, and stand in line together, and he makes her laugh with his commentary on Lisa the lunch lady, and he can tell people are noticing. They go to their own tables, and he tells her he’ll talk to her later. She nods her head like she’s agreeing to the whole thing, just in case he’s missed it. </p>
<p>Harry probably shouldn’t feel as good as he does about it. It just feels good to have a win. </p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>Okay, hear her out. </p>
<p>She knows this is really stupid, okay? She knows it. It’s stupid and it won’t work and Harry’s desperate and grasping at anything he can think that’ll make Kelly want to be with him again. </p>
<p>It’s just that...It’s just that when she was going to say no - and she <i>was</i> going to say no - she started thinking maybe she's a little desperate, too. And then Harry said that thing about Will thinking he’s losing her, and god, maybe that’s it, right? Maybe Will doesn’t realize he <i>has her</i> and that he’ll start to see it if it changes. Would it be easier to just tell Will and see what happens? Maybe. Would it be way <i>harder</i>, actually, and put her in prime position to be rejected? Yes. She doesn’t want that. </p>
<p>Maybe, really, the thing that she is agreeing to here, is playing this stupid game with Harry, and then like, if Will doesn’t notice or notices and doesn’t care, then she can just get over it because it’s not going to happen. And honestly maybe that’s just what she needs. Like a final indicator, something clear as day, to let her know there’s no chance for them. </p>
<p>It’s not like she’s been in love with him for <i>years</i>, or something. She’s not pathetic. They’ve always been friends, and then became best friends last year, and then over the summer they got even closer - almost kissed just that one time - and her feelings sort of bloomed from there. How could they not? He’s the one guy in her life she can count on. Plus, he looks so good. And he’s funny, and smart, and they know each other so well and he sticks around anyway. That has to mean something. </p>
<p>“Did I see you with Harry earlier?”</p>
<p><i>This</i> is the complicated part. The Cassandra of it all. </p>
<p>They’re helping make dinner because their mom had come back from getting groceries and said she’d had to leave work early to get to the store and home on time, and has a call to take. She kisses Allie’s forehead on the way by when Allie’s browning the ground beef for pasta sauce. She doesn’t seem bothered by the mention of Harry. Which makes sense. No one else has as big an issue with him as Cassandra does. </p>
<p>Allie rolls her eyes, which is what she’d normally do - what she’s done in the past with this same line of questioning. </p>
<p>“He held the door for me and we were walking in the same direction.”</p>
<p>“Mm,” Cassandra says and continues chopping things for the salad she’s been tasked with making. “Looked friendly.”</p>
<p>Allie stops stirring, puts her hand on her hip. “Is that a problem?” She laughs, because she knows that came out a little heated. “Like, you wanna approve of all my friends now?”</p>
<p>Cassandra gives her a look like she’s winning this argument somehow, says, “You and Harry are friends?”</p>
<p>Allie sighs, goes back to the stove and her job, and knows...Fuck. She’s got to sell this, right? If she and Harry are trying to…</p>
<p>What is she even doing?</p>
<p>“Maybe. Or something.”</p>
<p>“Or something,” Cassandra laughs, then shakes her head, goes back to chopping that red bell pepper in pieces that are honestly way too big for that salad. Allie’s just being smug now, about being better than her sister in the kitchen. Whatever. Let her have this one thing. “Just don’t let him use you to get over Kelly.”</p>
<p>Allie says, “I won’t,” but doesn’t really mean it.</p>
<p>Or maybe she really does mean it? She won’t let him do that, because that’s not what he’s trying to do. At all. He’s in fact trying to do the opposite. And he’s not using Allie for that, either, because she knows about it and there’s something in it for her, too.</p>
<p>When their mom comes back, she’s wearing her Lululemon pants and a tee shirt of their dad’s, and says, “Thanks, girls. I’ve got it from here.” </p>
<p>Cassandra heads off upstairs to go do homework, but Allie got all hers done before their mom got home, so she sticks around in the kitchen to help. She knows her mom secretly loves it. Allie also eats pieces of bell pepper from the salad bowl and then laughs when her mom tells her to cut it out. She sets out making a dressing and they’re talking about their days, and then the conversation takes a sharp turn. </p>
<p>“Were you talking about Harry Bingham?” she asks, and Allie just nods, continues putting butter on the baguette for garlic bread. Her mom says, “A little more,” like it’s some big secret, or something. It makes Allie smile. “I always thought he was so cute.”</p>
<p>“Mom,” Allie groans, because what the <i>hell</i>? “He’s a little young for you.”</p>
<p>“But not for you.” Allie rolls her eyes, and her mom hugs her, rocks them back and forth a little. “He should be so lucky.”</p>
<p>After they’ve parted and her mom is stirring the sauce and checking the time, Allie just… </p>
<p>“He’s not the guy I’m into.”</p>
<p>Her mom gives her a sad little smile, nods like she knew that without Allie having to say anything. (And she panics a little, because does <i>everyone </i>know?) </p>
<p>“But he could be,” her mom says, and Allie’s jaw drops. “I’m just saying!” She raises her hands in the air, which makes Allie laugh. This conversation is fun. Most conversations with her mom are fun, especially when it’s just the two of them. “He’s cute, and I know he’s a smart kid. You don’t have to count him out just because your sister doesn’t like him.”</p>
<p>Allie lets out a huff of breath. It’s absolutely ridiculous that she’s letting this conversation happen. There’s no need at all for her to let her mom believe there’s a snowball’s chance in hell of her and Harry actually being a <i>thing</i>.</p>
<p>“Actually,” her mom says, glances towards the stairs like she wants to make sure they’re still alone. “It might be more fun if she doesn’t.”</p>
<p>“Mom!” Allie squeals, and feels her cheeks burning, and then they’re both laughing, and the pasta’s going in the water, and her dad’s coming in from the garage in his suit and smiling when he sees them together laughing and making dinner.</p>
<p>After dinner, when she’s watching this show on Netflix in her room by herself, she thinks she’d like to text him, to tell him about Cassandra’s reaction, or whatever. Mostly because if Cassandra’s noticed, other people have, too, right? And it’s insane that people are paying attention so quickly. Or is it? Shit, maybe it’s like this for him all the time. Maybe this is what it’s like to be him. Having everyone scrutinize your every move. Allie’s not familiar with that. No, that’s not her role around here. </p>
<p>She scrolls through her contacts for his number and doesn’t have it. </p>
<p>At school, in the morning, she moves up next to him at his locker, says, “Morning, loser,” and is trying to be casual, but fails completely. His brow goes up and he grins at her like he can see through this act, or whatever. “I was gonna text you last night.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” he asks, and then leans against the lockers and looks...He looks good. It’s an undeniable fact, so she doesn’t feel weird thinking it. “What about?”</p>
<p>Allie smiles, shakes her head as she looks up at him. “Well, I can’t tell you <i>now</i>.”</p>
<p>He looks almost impressed by her flirting. Which is...Not that he’d know this, but she’s good at it. She’s been good at it for a while. </p>
<p>He pulls his phone out. “You could tell me later?” </p>
<p>She adds herself to his contacts and then the warning bell goes for homeroom. His is next to hers. Kelly’s in the same one. She knows, because she’s seen them walking together into that classroom every day for almost an entire year. </p>
<p>“What’d you get up to last night?” he asks, and it sounds like he’s really just making conversation. </p>
<p>She shrugs. “Ate too much pasta and watched Community until my eyes got scratchy.” </p>
<p>He laughs through his nose at that. “So you’re not crawling your way through Gulliver’s Travels like I am.”</p>
<p>She isn’t, but she has. She makes a face. “I hated that one.” He looks at her like he’s surprised, but she just does a half spin so she’s looking at him as they stand between the doors to each of their homerooms. “Not just a pretty face.”</p>
<p>She means that as a joke, but Harry grins like maybe he believes it, and says, “Obviously not,” in such a way that would make her blush if any of this was real.</p>
<p>She doesn’t text him that night, either. Because Will asks if she wants to get fries and shakes and read his History essay over for him, and she says yes if he’ll check over her trig homework. He doesn’t say anything about Harry, or her and Harry, which...It’s been like a day, so she definitely didn’t think he would. Except he mentions Kelly. He says something about having heard she’s now considering going to prom alone, and Allie doesn’t honestly understand what the big deal is. She asks Will what’s so bad about a girl going to prom without some guy on her arm, and Will roll his eyes like that’s not what he was saying and she knows that. But she doesn’t. And if he wants her to understand his intent, here, maybe he should find words to explain himself. He just says it’s weird, that’s all. That ‘a girl like Kelly’ would go alone. </p>
<p>Allie tries not to let that sting. </p>
<p>Harry finds her after school on Friday when she’s outside talking to Becca and Sam. He’s got expensive sunglasses over his eyes and his BMW’s keys in his hand and he says, “Hey Allie,” and then smiles at her friends before he says, “Wanna come for a drive?”</p>
<p>She thinks he might be a fucking genius, honestly. At very least, he’s better at this than she is. Because he obviously knows that this’ll get back to Will, because Becca and Sam are shit with secrets that aren’t their own and literally everyone knows it. </p>
<p>She asks, “Why would I do that?” with a grin on her lips and her hand in her back pocket. </p>
<p>He makes a big show of saying, “I’ll make it worth your while,” without it sounding like a sex thing, or whatever. </p>
<p>When Allie looks at Becca, her friend is smiling like this is interesting but also Allie should absolutely go. </p>
<p>So she does. She slides into the leather seat and Harry cranks the engine and then puts the top down, and asks her if she’s ever been in a convertible before. </p>
<p>“Yes. And it takes more than that to impress me,” she says, and that’s stupid, because it’s just the two of them and he’s definitely not trying to impress her. </p>
<p>Harry pulls out of the parking lot and then when they’re stopped at a light, Will rides past them on his bike and Harry must see him in the rear view, because he says, “Ignore him,” before she can see Will. </p>
<p>She does as Harry says, though it feels like shit. Actually, what feels like shit is that Will barely notices in the first place, and then when he does, doesn’t seem to react at all. </p>
<p>Allie looks at her lap until Harry reaches over, puts his fingers under her chin and tips her face upward. </p>
<p>Oh. Oh, she likes that. </p>
<p>Honestly, she likes that he pays attention to her. Not in a needy, desperate way. But more in a...Okay, she’s just not used to people <i>noticing</i> her like this. Like, Harry could tell what was going through her head, or maybe had at least some idea, and wanted to remind her she doesn’t need to be in her feelings about it. </p>
<p>Allie leans her head back against the seat and likes the way the wind blows her hair even when they’re not going fast. He stops at the coffee shop, asks if she wants anything. She asks for a lemon iced tea and then just sits and waits in the car until he returns with their drinks. Then he sort of turns to her in his seat. </p>
<p>“Will you come to Jason’s party?” he asks, and Allie...she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. She never hears about that group’s parties until after they’ve happened. </p>
<p>She shakes her head. “This is moving a little fast,” she says, and she sort of means it. She’s smiling, but she means it anyway. “Like, you don’t want Kelly to think we’re together, right?” Harry runs his fingers through his hair, which she thinks is a thing he does when he’s frustrated or uncomfortable, or something. “Taking me to one of the cool kids’ parties will give her the wrong idea.”</p>
<p>He reverses out of the parking spot and then pulls out onto the road again, and it’s another several seconds before he says, “I don’t really wanna go alone.”</p>
<p>Allie doesn’t think before she answers, “So don’t go,” like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He gives her a dubious look, then slides his left hand up to the 12 position on the steering wheel and leans his elbow on the centre console, holds his coffee in his right hand. </p>
<p>“What’m I supposed to do instead?”</p>
<p>He’s hitting on her. Or flirting with her. Which is annoying, since they’re alone. She rolls her eyes. </p>
<p>“Literally anything else?” He chuckles, flicks at the corner of the cardboard sleeve on his cup with his thumb. “Surely you can think of a way to spend your evening without going to some shitty party.” Yeah, she sees the smirk on his face. “Stop that.” </p>
<p>He laughs again. “What?” Allie just rolls her eyes and doesn’t answer, because she really doesn’t feel the need to do this with him right now. “Well, what are you doing?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she says, and then sips her tea and wishes she’d asked for a little honey. Oh well. Next time. “Probably watching movies alone or with my mom, or something?”</p>
<p>His smile - his real smile, the one he’s giving her right now when he looks over - is really kind of incredible? </p>
<p>“Cute,” he says. She doesn’t give him the satisfaction of looking pleased. </p>
<p>Harry steers his car into the parking lot of the botanical gardens, which is surprising. Not only because he’s him and she didn’t think he’d be into a place like this, but also because ‘botanical gardens’ is an overstatement and really it’s just a pretty park with some rose bushes and a bunch of trees that honestly look better in the fall. They get out, then they’re walking side by side and she thinks about saying she loves this time of year, but that’s not even really true? She just wants to say something. Because she thinks he’s taking too long, and also thinks that even she knows him well enough to think he’s not going to take no for an answer this easily. </p>
<p>If that’s the case, and if she’s going to end up maybe going to this dumb party anyway, she at least could do it on her terms, right? </p>
<p>“Well, what are Jason’s parties usually like?” Harry’s head snaps over to look at her, and he’s...god, he’s almost boyish with this obvious enthusiasm. “Like, I can’t say I’ve ever gone to one of these. Except that beach party in the summer.”</p>
<p>“That wasn’t even a good party,” he tells her, and she <i>knows</i>. She was there. But there’s maybe something else he’s recalling about his experience. He looks bothered by it. But she doesn’t get a chance to ask. “You looked hot, by the way.” She tilts her head, purses her lips. There’s no way he remembers seeing her there. He’s just talking shit. “That black bikini?” </p>
<p>He makes a chefs kiss gesture with his hand, which somehow is flattering and not gross. </p>
<p>(Maybe mostly it’s flattering because he <i>does</i> seem to remember. Because she was wearing a black bikini. She remembers waffling between that and her red one piece and being self conscious until Becca told her she looked fucking hot. She thought - honestly, she did - that she saw Harry looking at one point. Obviously she was right.) </p>
<p>“Anyway.” He chuckles, nudges her shoulder with his as they walk. “I don’t want it to be shitty.”</p>
<p>“Parties are only as shitty as you let them be. Go with an open mind, and it’ll be fun.”</p>
<p>She thinks he’s probably talking about a willingness to drink and make an idiot of yourself. </p>
<p>But as she thinks about it, she really has nothing better than to do, and maybe it wouldn’t kill her to just go for it. Like, yeah, Harry seems sort of really keen to get her to say yes, and maybe she really has nothing to lose. Maybe she can make sure of that. </p>
<p>“If I go. And I’m not saying I’m going.” He laughs again. Maybe because this is how she tends to have these conversations with him. “But if I go, you can’t ditch me,” she says. Harry tilts his head, then leads them over to the bench by the cluster of rose bushes and sits down, angles himself towards her. “Even if Kelly throws herself at you.”</p>
<p>He lets out a laugh she’s literally never heard from him, then looks at her like he’s surprised she’d say something like that. “I doubt that’s going to happen,” he says, but like, isn’t that the point of all this? “And why would I ditch you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she says, shrugs a little, but also doesn’t really want to get into the whole story about how Will kind of has a tendency to do this. To go places with her and then wander off. “I just don’t wanna deal with that.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Harry replies easily. “If you come. And I’m not saying you’re coming.” She almost snorts, but manages to stop herself, and looks at him. He’s kind of too handsome for his own good. “If you come, I won’t ditch you.”</p>
<p>So anyway, she wears skinny jeans she never wears to school, and a tank top her mom tells her she looks pretty in. She twists her hair back off her face and pins it up behind her right ear, and does her makeup as Cassandra listens to music in her room. Allie doesn’t say goodbye to her before going downstairs, but then when Harry’s pulling into the driveway in a different car from yesterday, Allie knows she can’t leave without saying goodbye to her sister. She makes an excuse about forgetting her lip balm, and goes up to say she loves Cassandra and she won’t be home late. </p>
<p>Harry doesn’t come to the door, thank god. </p>
<p>“You look great,” he says, sounding nearly surprised, or something, when she gets into the car. “I like your hair like that.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” </p>
<p>He looks at her a second too long, until she moves her eyes around the car like she’s wondering if he’s going to like, drive, or something. After he’s left the driveway, she tells him he looks good, too. She doesn’t think she’s ever told him so before, despite definitely thinking it many, many times. Too many, probably. Honestly, she sort of thought someone like him wouldn’t need to hear it. But that also feels shitty. Like, it isn’t about whether or not he knows he’s attractive, it’s about whether or not he ever has another person care enough to tell him. </p>
<p>She’s thinking too hard. Harry’s walking next to her across Jason’s front lawn. She isn’t sure if she’s ready for this. </p>
<p>Harry holds the door open for her and she really can’t turn back now. </p>
<p>She somehow immediately finds Kelly across the room, sees the way the girl looks at her and Harry and then takes a drink from her red cup, and Allie pushes her hair back and turns to look at him. He winks at her. He fucking winks. </p>
<p>“Let’s do a lap and grab a drink?” he says, and Allie...maybe she can’t hide her concern. “For you.”</p>
<p>Okay, better. Good. The only reason her mom really let her come is that she was able to say she had a sober driver. Her mom had still told her to call if she needed a ride. “No excuses,” she’d said. Allie isn’t fucking around with mixing alcohol and vehicles. </p>
<p>He ends up mixing her a gin and tonic from the bottles on the counter. Allie’s getting the impression that he thinks she doesn’t drink, or something. Which isn’t true or right, but she doesn’t think she should get into it with him right now. The house is sort of packed, but she’s actually surprised by who she doesn't see, too. Helena and Luke aren’t here. Neither is Erika, which is maybe most surprising. Harry leans back against the counter with a bottle of water in his hand and Allie leans next to him, sips this drink slowly and makes him laugh when she makes up stories about people who’re obviously about to hook up. She like, puts on voices and makes up the shit they’re saying. At one point Harry chokes on his water and she looks way too proud of that, she’s sure. </p>
<p>Kelly comes into the kitchen to get a refill, and gives him the cold shoulder when she has to walk past to get to the fridge. Allie looks at him, but he’s watching Kelly. </p>
<p>Kelly says, “Hey, Allie,” as she walks past again, and Allie...She doesn’t really know what to do. She’s here with Harry, sort of, and she thinks maybe Kelly’s doing this just to be a snot. Which like, despite Will and Cassandra talking about Kelly like she can do no wrong, Allie knows different. She knows. </p>
<p>She overheard Kelly and Harry at that beach party. They were fighting because Kelly said he was flirting with Brittany, which like. Maybe he was. Allie doesn’t know. But she does know that he didn’t deserve Kelly or anyone else calling him ‘fucking pathetic’. Like, that’s not okay. And Allie also heard them talking about something one time and Kelly told him to shut up, and wasn’t at all joking about it. It just felt rude. </p>
<p>Anyway, when Kelly leaves, Harry lets out a breath, and Allie pounds the rest of her drink back and shakes the empty cup. </p>
<p>“Either get me a refill, or let’s get out of here?”</p>
<p>His face lights up. “Yeah?” She shrugs her shoulder, not sure which option he’s going for. </p>
<p>It ends up being the latter. Harry says that maybe she was right and this was a stupid idea. She tells him it wasn’t. He obviously just underestimated how hard it might be. He and Kelly haven’t even been broken up two weeks. Why would he think this would go well? God, maybe he does just truly think this is going to work? Maybe he actually thought it wouldn’t take much for Kelly to want him all to herself again. He’s gotta know Kelly better than she does, right? Who’s Allie to think he’s off base?</p>
<p>“Maybe I’m doing this all wrong,” he says, and he’s got his hand on the wheel. Allie thinks she could just drive around with him all night and that’d be just fine. He sort of sighs. Allie turns down the music, and he looks at her like he’s surprised, and maybe really happy, that she seems to want to hear what he has to say. “I just don’t know what else to do. She doesn’t want to talk to me.”</p>
<p>Allie bites the inside of her lip. He looks...He looks kind of insanely hot with the way the streetlights are moving across his face. Which doesn’t have to mean anything, it’s just that she notices. </p>
<p>“Why do you want to get back together?” she asks, and she’s not trying to be an asshole. She’s really just asking. She doesn’t know what it’s like to love someone so much you can’t handle not being with them. </p>
<p>“Because I love her,” he says, and maybe Allie’s being overly critical, but honestly, it doesn’t say it with a lot of conviction. “Because she’s the only thing I’ve loved since 10th grade. And we had a whole plan. For next year, I mean.”</p>
<p>Allie doesn’t know what to say to that. She thinks it takes more than that to make a relationship work. But he probably knows that, too. He’s got to. He’s for sure heard enough pop songs to know that love isn’t enough. </p>
<p>So she stays quiet a moment, then wonders if he’d stop for ice cream if she asked. And then thinks she should stay on task here and keep talking about him and Kelly. </p>
<p>“She can’t be the <i>only</i> thing you’ve loved since 10th grade.” Harry lets out a laugh, looks at her like he’s wondering if she meant to make him do that. She didn’t, but she likes it. Likes the levity. Likes, truly, the way he looks at her sometimes. “Like, I’m sorry but there’s no way you love her more than you love coffee.”</p>
<p>He’s grinning. He leans back towards her again, sort of glances at her across the line of his shoulder. “Doesn’t count. I don’t love anything more than I love coffee. And that goes way back.”</p>
<p>She smiles, bites her lip, and wants to keep this going. “Well, what about ice cream?”</p>
<p>He shakes his head. “Overrated.”</p>
<p>Allie gasps. “Lies. Lies and slander.” God, he’s got a good laugh. How has she not ever noticed? “Cake?”</p>
<p>“Cookies,” he corrects, eyes sliding over ever so slightly. “I really do love cookies.”</p>
<p>“<i>Yes</i>,” she says, swats him lightly on the arm with the back of her hand. “See? The start of a list. Coffee and cookies. <i>So</i> healthy.”</p>
<p>He looks at her again when they’re stopped at a light. She thinks they’re really just driving around, and doesn’t hate that even a little. </p>
<p>His expression looks a lot like a thank you. Allie just smiles back. </p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>Harry likes Allie. He likes the way she’s sort of gentle sometimes and absolutely direct and blunt others. He likes that she makes him laugh - literally surprises it out of him sometimes - and the way she always looks like, proud that she’s done it. He thinks she’s smart in a quiet kind of way, like she’s waiting until she has to be loud about it. Which isn’t a thing he’s ever seen. It’s so different from how her sister acts that it, too, surprises him. He much prefers Allie’s approach. He texts her once about Gulliver’s Travels and this question in the assigned work and she starts and stops typing a few times, then just calls him, says it’s easier to just talk it through instead of typing it all out. </p>
<p>Honestly, he thinks he likes that she treats him like a real person. In that she doesn’t assume she knows things about him just because of his privilege and his social standing, or whatever. And she doesn’t buy into every rumour she’s ever heard about him. She asks him questions he thought she would’ve known the answer to, and it doesn’t annoy him because she’s so earnest about it.</p>
<p>His mom asks him what’s going on with him and Kelly. Which... He told her they broke up. He told her and he thought that she’d understand. But she obviously asks it because she assumed - like he did - that it’s temporary. And he wants to have hope that it is, but it’s been almost a month now and they’ve barely spoken and still doesn’t seem to want to, so he’s worried. He’s really worried. </p>
<p>But then Gwen tells him that Kelly asked her if she knew what was going on with Harry and Allie, and he thinks he should do the opposite of what he was considering. Because he was considering telling Allie thanks for her help, but it was pointless, and that if she wanted to keep it up because of Will, he was game. Because he’s not forgotten that this wasn’t just all about him. </p>
<p>When he sits down next to Allie at lunch, he straddles the bench and therefore also sort of brackets her between his legs. She’s alone - he saw Cassandra and Will in line when he walked in - and he just needs to talk to her. </p>
<p>“We gotta amp this up,” he tells her, and she looks almost amused, which...He doesn't think he’s ever been annoyed with her before. She’s usually quick on the pickup when he’s being serious. </p>
<p>“What does that mean?” she asks, brow up, and Harry…He keeps his eyes on hers, like he’s looking for permission, as he moves his hand up to push her hair back behind her ear. “Oh.”</p>
<p>That makes him smile. “Yeah,” he nearly whispers. “Oh.” </p>
<p>She glances past him, so he turns. Will and Cassandra are headed their way. </p>
<p>“We’ll talk later?”</p>
<p>He nods, stands, squeezes her shoulder and then leans down to speak into her ear. “Yeah. We’ll talk later.”</p>
<p>She’s smiling when he pulls away, which looks pretty on her and lets him know he’s not crossing a line, or whatever. And he doesn’t ignore Cassandra and Will, either. Will’s looking pissed and Cassandra’s looking suspicious, and Harry just grins, salutes them and keeps walking. He hears Cassandra ask, “What was that?” and Allie say, “Harry,” and he thinks that answer is really fucking perfect, actually. </p>
<p>He thinks really what’s surprising him here is that Allie is <i>good</i> at this. Not the lying or deceit, or whatever. Ugh. He doesn’t want to think of it that way, because it’s not that serious. It’s not malicious. It’s just like...it’s like acting. She’s good at acting. She’s also a hell of a flirt. Like, she’s so good at it sometimes he forgets that it’s pretend. Which he thinks she can tell, and likes. When he asked her about it, she replied, “You’re not the first guy who’s ever talked to me,” like he was being unreasonable, or something, to be a little shocked she could turn it on the way she does. </p>
<p>There’s a prom committee meeting - and he really should quit this shit, but it’s one of the only times he and Kelly are near each other without a big crowd or teachers or whatever. She still barely pays him any mind, which he absolutely hates. He says one of his ideas this time, though, and she smiles at him just a little like she’s glad he’s participating, or something. Which is fair, because he barely ever does. Because this is stupid. He doesn’t even want to <i>go</i> to prom unless he’s going with her. </p>
<p>When they leave, Allie’s in the hall again, and he knows it’s because she’s on the yearbook committee with Becca and Sam and their meeting is on Thursday but they work on Tuesdays after school, which works out because then Cassandra can drive Allie home.</p>
<p>He knows a lot about her schedule. It’s weird. The only other person whose schedule he knows like this is Kelly’s. </p>
<p>She’s scrolling on her phone and twirling a lock of her hair around her finger. She looks really sort of hot. </p>
<p>“Hey,” he says, smiling, and she looks up from under her lashes. </p>
<p>“Hey. I was waiting for you.”</p>
<p>His brow goes up. “Oh, yeah?” She shrugs. Like, they did say they’d talk later, and she could’ve just said she was here for that, but she said it like this instead. See what he means about the flirting? “Why’s that?”</p>
<p>She sort of rolls her eyes. “Obviously I want to hear every detail about what the prom committee is talking about.”</p>
<p>“Mm.” He grins down at her and she turns a little, squares her shoulders to his. “Obviously.”</p>
<p>Then she grabs the front of his shirt and says, “Kiss me,” and he sputters out, “What?”</p>
<p>Then she’s leaning up on her toes and pressing her lips against his, and his hand moves to her cheek because...Because that’s where it ends up, he supposes. Harry just goes with it, kisses her back, because it feels fucking good and he hasn’t kissed anyone since Kelly, yeah, but also because he knows that Allie wouldn’t be kissing him without a reason. Maybe. Maybe? </p>
<p>Whatever. Her lips are soft and it’s a <i>good</i> kiss, and maybe she’s better at kissing than she is at flirting, even when she catches him off guard like that. </p>
<p>He’s just looking down at her when she pulls away, and he moves his thumb against her cheek and <i>fuck</i>, is he making up how much he liked that? Is it all in his head?</p>
<p>Allie’s hand is pressed flat against his chest and she says, “Kelly was looking,” and <i>right</i>.</p>
<p>Right. </p>
<p>Kelly. </p>
<p>Allie tells him not to look, then leans up and kisses his cheek, tells him she’ll text him later, and walks off to join her sister by the doors to the parking lot. </p>
<p>Harry stands there another few moments and then when he turns, he notices that Kelly’s talking to Becca and sort of shifting her eyes towards him. He wonders if they’re talking about them. About him and Allie. </p>
<p>He wonders, also, if Allie normally wears this lip balm and if it always tastes like this. </p>
<p>He pulls his keys from his pocket and heads for his car before he does something stupid.</p>
<p>He definitely should not still be thinking about that kiss later, after dinner, when he’s supposed to be doing calc homework and can’t because he’s distracted. He gives up when his phone lights up and her name’s on the screen. Because it’s a welcome distraction and because he wants to know what she’s saying. </p>
<p>The text reads, <i>’Amped up enough for you?’</i> and then there’s another message that says, <i>’(I’m genuinely asking because I just randomly kissed you and want to make sure that was okay)’</i>. And like, yeah, it was okay. </p>
<p>He’s been evenly splitting his time thinking about Kelly and Allie. And he thinks that he’s realizing right now that part of that was him wondering who’d talk to him first. He’s trying not to think it means something that it was Allie. But it probably means something. </p>
<p>He writes back, <i>’All good. Confusing though. Thought maybe you just wanted me that bad’</i> and then decides that’s <i>too much</i> and adds the smirking emoji to indicate he’s joking. </p>
<p>Right? Yeah. Yeah, he’s joking. </p>
<p>Except he’s not 100% joking, because there’s a part of him, he’s learning, that sort of <i>wants</i> her to be into him. </p>
<p>She replies, <i>’In your dreams, Bingham’</i>.</p>
<p>He smiles to himself, sends back just the sleeping face emoji and thinks this is all just stupid flirting, and that he likes the attention, and that maybe Allie does, too. It wouldn’t be the craziest thing. Neither of them is getting attention from the people they want it from. It’s totally normal for them to enjoy getting it from the ones giving it. Even if it’s fake. Mostly fake. Sometimes fake. He’ll speak for himself - when he told her she looked hot the other day, that wasn’t fake. And today when he was kissing her back, that didn’t feel fake in the fucking slightest.</p>
<p>He shouldn’t call her, but he does it anyway. Which is kind of becoming a theme with her. He doesn’t hate it, really. There’s something refreshing about being able to do the thing he wants and it being okay with her. Not overthinking things or worrying he’s bothering her. </p>
<p>“What if we dated?” he asks, and then hears her let out a quiet laugh and close a door on the other end of the line. </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>That’s not a no. </p>
<p>“Seriously. Make this official.”</p>
<p>“Fake official,” she corrects, and he hums in response. She pauses, like she’s thinking about it. “And then just like, dump each other if Kelly or Will…” She trails off. “Has she said anything to you?”</p>
<p>“Not to me. But she was pressing Gwen for info. Will?” She’s quiet. Shit. Shit, he thinks that’s an answer. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“You know he likes Kelly, right?” she asks, and he didn’t <i>know</i> that, but he’s also not fucking blind and isn’t surprised to have confirmation of something he always suspected. Will looks at Kelly like she hung the moon, or something. It’s always grated Harry’s nerves. </p>
<p>But it also makes Harry wonder why Allie’s even doing any of this. If she knows Will’s into someone else, why would she think he’d be bothered that Harry’s talking to her? You’d think the guy would just go for it with Kelly and ignore Allie’s feelings even more. </p>
<p>“And you know it’s fucked if he even has an inkling you’re into him and is just ignoring it.”</p>
<p>Maybe that’s too blunt. </p>
<p>Allie just says, “Maybe he doesn’t know. Maybe he’s actually trying to be nice. Letting me down gently, or something.”</p>
<p>Harry doesn’t mean to scoff. He doesn’t. He just...thinks that’s bullshit. And really unlikely. </p>
<p>“If that’s what’s happening, it’s pretty selfish,” he says, and most people would laugh at him, Harry Bingham, calling someone else selfish. But Allie doesn’t laugh. “So why would you do this with me, if you know he’s into her and it doesn’t help you at all.”</p>
<p>She’s quiet a moment, then sighs and he wonders why he even asked. Like, what possessed him to be so direct and honest with her? And why is it so easy to talk to her without overthinking everything like he does with everyone else?</p>
<p>“Because what if it works, right?” she asks, and it makes Harry smile. There’s something so like, sweetly hopeful about it. He thinks she’s…</p>
<p>“You’re really great,” he says, and his voice is soft, which he should, you know, check and change. “The more I get to know you, the more surprised I am you’re even available for fake girlfriend status.”</p>
<p>She lets out a laugh that makes him smile. “I haven’t agreed to be your fake girlfriend.” Okay, that’s true. She hasn’t agreed. “Pick me up tomorrow morning? We can talk about it in the car.”</p>
<p>Harry’s smiling even when they hang up.</p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>So anyway, Harry’s waiting at her locker after her last class, and they’ve been like, officially dating, or whatever, for a few days now. Word is spreading, despite the fact that they don’t do PDA because this is all <i>new</i> and Allie thinks it’s gross when couples do that. Especially new couples. Like, you barely know each other. Chill. Harry’d laughed when she said that.</p>
<p>But now it’s Friday, and Harry’s leaning against her locker with his head tipped back and his eyes closed, and Allie walks up to him and...She just tries something. She stands in front of him, slides her hand over his side so her palm is resting against him, and looks up at him. She’s not angling for a kiss, or anything; they’ve still only done that the one time. His eyes open and he looks down at her, straightens up his posture a little and says, “Hey.” </p>
<p>“Hey.” When he moves out of the way so she can get into her locker, her hand moves and then she pulls it away. “What’re you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Taking you to dinner?” he asks, grin on his lips when she looks over. </p>
<p>“If it’s less than two Michelin stars, keep it.”</p>
<p>He laughs, puts his hand on her back and leans in a little. Right, so. Since she touched him, he’s touching her. Which is fine, and she likes it. But the thing is it feels <i>good</i>. Maybe too good. </p>
<p>They briefly talked the other morning about how this would work, and one of the things they said was that they weren’t going to be showy and obvious. They wanted it to look like a natural progression of their friendship to something more. Okay, she wanted that. She really meant it when she told him she didn’t like all that public stuff he used to do with Kelly. And yes, there has to be some element of that, or what’s the point? But it doesn’t have to be annoying to anyone else who looks their way, you know? </p>
<p>“That diner you like?” he asks, and she glances at him. </p>
<p>Then she turns a little. “That’s my place with Will.”</p>
<p>He grins like she’s missing something, crosses his arms. “Exactly.”</p>
<p>It’s weird that she gets a little rush from that. She knows Will probably won’t be there, but that other people will be and it’ll get back to him. </p>
<p>Which might not matter, because the other day when they were walking to History, he asked, “What are you doing with him, Allie?” like dating Harry Bingham was the most dangerous shit she could possibly do. She’d felt oddly defensive. Maybe justifiably, actually. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. He <i>does</i> care that she’s spending time with Harry. And that means something to her. </p>
<p>She slides into the booth across from Harry when they make it to the diner. They’d driven around a bit first. Harry had to pick something up from the post office for his mom, and then Allie had wanted to stop by the library to grab a book, and then Harry took her to his favourite spot outside of town. She made a joke about him just taking her there to make out. The look he gave her was so hot she realized her mistake in saying anything like that. </p>
<p>Anyway, Harry passes her a menu and she’s distracted just looking at him. Which is a thing that kind of keeps happening. But it’s really not her fault, because he’s kind of easily the hottest person she knows? Him sitting across from her at her favourite diner with his elbow over the back of the booth as he smiles at her is...It’s really something. </p>
<p>“So how’s it going?” she asks, and he laughs, which makes sense. That question was dumb. “Between us. How am I doing?”</p>
<p>He blinks, grin firmly in place. He just says, “Good,” in a voice that she likes, and she rolls her eyes. “What, do you want a report card?”</p>
<p>Allie tips her chin up, folds her menu because she already knows what she’s getting. “Yes. Letter grades only, though accurate percentages are fine, I suppose.” </p>
<p>Their server comes along as Harry’s laughing, and the woman is clearly so used to seeing Allie here with Will that she looks between Allie and Harry like she might’ve missed something. Allie just smiles sweetly and places her order, and then Harry places his. Then he reaches across the table and takes her hand, slides his thumb over her knuckles. It feels really nice, and intimate in a way that most things with him haven’t yet.</p>
<p>“I do like hanging out with you,” he tells her, and then he looks up at her, and he’s all vulnerable. It absolutely shouldn’t look good on him, but it does. “Which makes this pretty easy.”</p>
<p>Allie reaches over with her other hand and plays with his pinky ring. Honestly, she’s a little surprised he’s letting her do it. It seems kind of precious about it, the way he twists it on his finger or nudges it with his thumb. But he just lets her move it around as she thinks about what to say. </p>
<p>“You’re not awful,” she says, which gets a laugh from him. Wendy comes back with their drinks, so Allie says thank you, and tries not to feel embarrassed about being seen holding hands with him. “I never thought you were, for what it’s worth.”</p>
<p>Harry’s genuine, actual smile is really kind of amazing. She’s not going to tell him that. “No?”</p>
<p>She shakes her head, moves her soda closer so she can take a sip through her straw. “No. I try not to judge people before I know them.”</p>
<p>His brow goes up, and he stirs the ice in his Coke with his straw. “You think you know me now?”</p>
<p>“I know you well enough to know the shit people say about you isn’t accurate,” she says with a shrug. He’s just watching her. “At least in my experience.” He gives a little nod, then takes a drink. “Do me.”</p>
<p>He chokes on his drink and she pulls her hand away. Fuck. </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>She rolls her eyes. “Expectations versus reality. What’d you think before?”</p>
<p>Harry shifts in his seat and seems to think about it, grins to himself and then leans forward, both arms on the table and his hands clasped atop it. “Do you really wanna know?” he asks, and she nods, even though she thinks maybe she shouldn’t, because whatever he’s about to say is probably going to be… “I mean, I think you’re hot. It’s not like that started yesterday, or anything.” </p>
<p>She says, “Thanks,” and it’s meant to sound like a joke, but it definitely doesn’t come out that way. </p>
<p>“And I dunno. I think you’re way more mature than most people we know.” </p>
<p>That’s dangerously close to an actual compliment. </p>
<p>“That’s good, I think,” she says, and he’s just looking at her. </p>
<p>Then she watches him get this little glint in his eye, a wicked grin on his face, and she thinks she’ll probably like whatever he says next. </p>
<p>“You’re a good little flirt, too.”</p>
<p>She lets out way too loud a laugh, and then his foot’s up against hers under the table, and Allie’s thinking there are so many worse ways to spend a Friday night. </p>
<p>Halfway through their meal, Kelly walks in with Helena and Luke. Harry doesn’t notice them at first, but Allie does. She steals a fry off his plate because she got a salad with her club sandwich. Honestly, she assumes he’s going to do what Will does, which is protest and laugh and tell her to get her own. But what Harry does instead is just keep eating, and turn his plate so she can get some ketchup if she wants it. When he glances up to say something, he sees their audience, blinks at her kind of meaningfully, and Allie gives him a heavy look and takes another fry. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” she says, and he nods. “Want some salad?”</p>
<p>He laughs, and she thinks he’s going to tell her no thanks, but he reaches over with his fork and spears some spinach, looks at her as he brings it to his mouth. She knows this is all for show, to make it look like they’re actually a couple, or at least comfortable enough with each other that this is a thing. What’s crazy is that it actually does feel like a thing? She thinks they would’ve done this even if no one was around to pay attention. They kind of were already. </p>
<p>When he drops her off at home, she turns to him and asks how he usually ends dates with fake girlfriends who he’s not actually kissing. He blushes a little, which is interesting and looks cute on him. Then he just tells her he’ll see her later, and Allie takes a deep breath and goes inside to face her sister. </p>
<p>Cassandra doesn’t understand it. And hasn’t been quiet about that. She also didn’t really appreciate it when Allie said that Cassandra doesn’t have to understand it. There was a whole ‘what about Will?’ thing, which is annoying. Allie also knows she <i>does</i> care about what Cassandra thinks. Her opinion is valuable and means something. But that doesn’t mean Allie <i>has</i> to only do what her sister thinks she should. And she’s a little worried that she’s somehow managed to make people think that isn’t true.</p>
<p>Her mom says, “How was your date?” when she walks in and kicks her shoes off in the hall closet, and Allie doesn’t realize she’s even smiling until her mom points it out.</p>
<p>“It was good. We had fun.” She sets her backpack on the stairs so she can take it up when she goes. “Where is everyone?”</p>
<p>It’s a goofy way to ask the question, because like, they’re a family of four and half of them are here, but still. </p>
<p>“Cassandra went out with Bean to a movie. Dad’s at poker night playing for pennies.” Allie laughs, sits down on the sofa and leans against her mom’s side. “I’m watching trashy reality television. You in?”</p>
<p>Allie smiles, pulls her legs up onto the sofa. Her phone chimes a few minutes later and it’s Harry letting her know he got home okay, just like she’d asked him to do. Her mom says that Harry seems sweet. Allie says, “He is,” and finds she really means it.</p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>Allie sits with him at lunch for the first time and they hadn’t even talked about it. She just comes over and sits down next to him, steals a sip of his sparkling water and asks Helena how she thinks she did on her American History test. </p>
<p>Harry puts his arm around her and she doesn’t seem pissed about it or anything. She sort of smiles at him when Helena and Luke start playfully joking about something. Harry’s glad she’s comfortable. </p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>The reason she goes to the stupid basketball game is that Harry tells her he’s going because everyone else is, and says she doesn’t have to, but it’s usually a decent time and if the team wins - which they hardly ever do - then sometimes they’ll all go to a party or to go eat gross fast food. </p>
<p>He doesn’t really sell it. She ends up sitting next to him on the bleachers anyway.</p>
<p>There’s not a lot to cheer for. Their school isn’t exactly churning out basketball talent, apparently. They basically have the football team swap uniforms and play this sport, too. Harry laughs when she says that out loud. He laughs and presses his lips to her temple, tells her, “You’re funny,” like he really means it. </p>
<p>Kelly is sitting two spots away, on the other side of Helena and Gwen, and behind Erika. She’s not really paying attention to them. Harry’s doing a good job of not paying attention to her, either. </p>
<p>After the team loses, Allie stands and stretches her arms over her head. Her cropped sweater rides up, and Harry’s absolutely staring at her stomach. When Allie’s eyes drift a little, she notices that Kelly’s watching him do it. </p>
<p>Allie pushes her hand into his hair - which she’s pretty sure he likes a lot more than he’s ever told her - and says, “Now that we’ve done the thing you wanted to do, can we go do something I want to do?”</p>
<p>It’s not that she deliberately says it loudly enough for everyone to hear. It’s just that everyone is standing close by and there’s no way they wouldn’t have heard. </p>
<p>Harry stands, puts his arm around her shoulder. It’s growing on her. Which she hates. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” he says softly, then throws, “See ya,” back at the group. </p>
<p>Allie just waves. Kelly’s the only one who waves back.</p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>The pictures are for Instagram. He takes them after school but before they both have meetings for their extracurriculars, or whatever. Allie looks cute with the tea he brought her after slipping out of class early to go get them warm drinks. She’s got on this black tee shirt tucked into her black jeans, and this shimmery nailpolish he already complimented her on.</p>
<p>He takes one of just her, sitting in one of the windows between rows of lockers, and then she grabs his phone, then the front of his shirt. She parts her knees and pulls him between them, so his back is to her and they’re both facing the camera. He holds it up, and she drapes her arm across his chest and presses her cheek against his. </p>
<p>His smile in the picture is genuine. </p>
<p>She makes some crack about putting it in the yearbook, and he just turns around, stands between her knees, and says, “Go for it.” </p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>Sam says, “You and Harry are cute together,” and she wants to tell him - wants to tell any one single person - the truth. </p>
<p>She just can’t do that, can she?  </p>
<p>Look, she’s not stupid or blind or pathetic. She knows Will’s likely not coming around if he hasn’t by now. And all this was practically just desperation, and sort of a shrug-and-why-not kind of thing. She didn’t have much to lose. Harry’s always been nice to her and she didn’t hate the idea of having someone knew to hang out with. </p>
<p>It just...Sometimes it doesn’t feel like that’s all it is anymore. </p>
<p>When she asks, “You think so?” to Sam when Harry’s approaching them and smiling at her, Sam just grins, signs that they are and she knows it. </p>
<p>When Harry asks what they were talking about, Sam says, “You two,” and Harry looks pleased, bumps her with his shoulder a little. </p>
<p>“My favourite subject.”</p>
<p>Allie turns back to her locker so she can get her things for her next class, and also so no one will see her blushing.</p>
<p>… … ...</p>
<p>Inviting Allie over to do homework together is absolutely not a thing he needs to do. It’s really not. No one’ll be around to see them or care about them, and yet he does it anyway. He asks her if she’s game to come to his for the evening. And it’s right there in the hallway in front of whoever’s around, and maybe that accounts for the hot, dark look on her face. But probably not. Maybe? </p>
<p>Whatever. She says yes, so it doesn’t matter.</p>
<p>No one else is home when they walk in, and she sounds a little nervous when she asks if they’re alone. Harry hadn’t considered this is maybe not her usual experience, you know? Like, maybe her parents are usually there to greet them, or she’s with Cassandra, or she’s not allowed to be home alone with friends without one of her parents there. All of those are totally reasonable and understandable things for most families. Just not his. </p>
<p>He drops his shit on the counter and shrugs his shoulder, reaches for a couple glasses for water. </p>
<p>“My mom usually works late. I think my sister has ballet tonight?” he says, and then no, it’s Wednesday, so it’s not ballet. “Tap, actually.”</p>
<p>Allie leans her elbows against the counter and puts her chin on her hands. “So you just have this whole place to yourself most evenings?”</p>
<p>He could shrug it off and say it’s not a big deal, that he’s so used to being alone here by now it doesn’t even really register. It’s just normal. Anything else would feel weird. But he doesn’t want to get that deep right now, and also he thinks she looks kind of hot just standing here with him, her hair all messy and half over her shoulder and her pink sweatshirt looking super out of place with his mom’s decor. </p>
<p>“I’m not by myself,” he says, and moves closer, grins at her. “I’m with you.”</p>
<p>She seems to think about that for a minute, then presses her lips together and shakes her head, stands upright. “I always wondered if that was all an act or if it’s just the way you are.”</p>
<p>“What?” he laughs. Like, what is she talking about?</p>
<p>“The charming, flirty thing.”</p>
<p>He slides the glass of ice water towards her. “And? What’s the verdict?”</p>
<p>She’s still smiling, which he likes. A lot. “Honestly, sometimes I can’t tell.” Harry’s brow furrows and he tilts his head a little, takes a breath. He doesn’t really like that answer. He thinks Allie now knows him better than most people. He wants her to get him, you know? “Sometimes it feels really natural and sometimes it feels like you’re just deflecting.”</p>
<p>Oh. Oh, fuck. </p>
<p>Okay, so she does get him. </p>
<p>“Sometimes it’s easier that way,” he says. Allie nods like she understands. He thinks she does. Now that he sees her without Cassandra and without Will, he knows she’s not totally what people think she is, either. She’s different when she’s not around them. More confident. “Also, like. Yeah, it’s easy to just distract people from all the shit I have going on instead of letting them see it.”</p>
<p>Allie’s hand slides up his forearm, which feels nice, and she’s not looking at him, but he’s looking at her. They’re alone in his house and she looks so fucking pretty and he <i>likes</i> talking to Allie about this stuff because she doesn’t judge him, and she lets him say things that are hard to say, and she doesn’t make him feel like there’s something wrong with him. And maybe other people don’t do that on purpose - maybe Kelly never did that on purpose - but this is just so much better. Nicer. </p>
<p>Allie pulls her hand away, looks up at him and lets out this really cute, genuine laugh. </p>
<p>“Sorry.” </p>
<p>Harry just lets the corner of his mouth tick up, shakes his head. “It’s okay.”</p>
<p>She pauses, then asks, “How did you and Kelly get together in the first place?” and the question throws him for a loop, so he just blinks at her for a bit and then figures he should just tell her. Because she’s asking, and he likes being honest with her, and because it’s a good reminder why they’re doing all this in the first place. </p>
<p>But he still says, “It kind of just happened,” and he isn’t even sure if he means that. Or, rather, it’s just really vague. </p>
<p>Allie, of course, calls him on it immediately. </p>
<p>“I know you don’t believe in destiny, so what’s the real story?”</p>
<p>Shit. He smiles at her because he <i>likes</i> that she won’t let him get away with anything. </p>
<p>“You know how it is.” He smirks, and she gives him a look like she knows he’s about to say something dumb. It amuses him. “Rich families are always close. We practically couldn’t escape each other after she moved here. And we just got closer and then like…”</p>
<p>He doesn’t know how to tell Allie that he and Kelly hooked up at a party the first time without making both of them sound kind of bad. </p>
<p>“One thing led to another?” Allie supplies, which makes him laugh, shrug his shoulder. “I wonder what it’s like to have all the boys’ attention.”</p>
<p>She tries to make it sound like a joke, but she fails miserably, because it ends up being the saddest fucking thing he’s ever heard her say.</p>
<p>It’s also complete bullshit, because she has attention, and he isn’t really interested in letting her continue to think she doesn’t. </p>
<p>“You think guys don’t give you attention?” So what if he steps closer? <i>So what</i>? She’s just looking at him. For some reason, he reaches out and rests his hand on her waist over her sweater. She lets him. So that’s something. “They do. Maybe you just don’t realize it.”</p>
<p>She rolls her eyes, but her hand comes up to rest on his forearm. It feels natural and nice there. He likes it. </p>
<p>“Some gross football player randomly thinking I’m hot isn’t really the same as Kelly having you and Will both falling at her feet.” </p>
<p>The need he has - and it really does feel like a need - to tell her she’s wrong, that people notice her and she’s not just some background character to the other girls is strong and sudden. </p>
<p>Maybe he just thinks it’s messed up that someone like her is walking around thinking she’s not special. </p>
<p>“You want me to fall at your feet?” he asks, and she lets out a laugh like she thinks he’s joking. </p>
<p>He doesn’t think he is. Which is a weird thing to reconcile, considering all the Kelly stuff, and that Allie’s just hanging out with him because of Will. It’s just that that doesn’t seem real or true anymore. He thinks he and Allie like each other. He knows he likes her. Wants her to like him, too. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to do this, you know,” she says, all quiet, and honestly he doesn’t understand what that means. </p>
<p>“I don’t <i>have</i> to do anything.” She looks up at him, this tiny smile on her lips. “Maybe I just like seeing you happy.”</p>
<p>He watches her eyes flick down to his lips, and <i>yeah</i>, that’s what he wants, too. God, he wants it. But it’d mess everything up, right? This <i>is</i> about Kelly. About him wanting Kelly, being in love with her still, he thinks. Maybe. </p>
<p>He’s confused. </p>
<p>Allie pulls her hand off him and takes a small step back so he’s not touching her either. </p>
<p>She just asks, “Where do you usually do your homework?”</p>
<p>He answers, “My bedroom,” and she tilts her head like he’s just coming on to her. Which he’s not. </p>
<p>So the first time Allie’s on his bed, there are books spread out between them - hers and then his, too - and he helps her when she gets frustrated with her bio work, and they keep getting distracted talking about music and playing different songs for each other, and Harry...He reaches over with his mechanical pencil, uses the eraser end of it to move her hair off her forehead. She raises her brow at him like she’s not sure what he’s up to. </p>
<p>He doesn’t know. And he can’t really think about it when she’s around him. It never goes well. He gets distracted. </p>
<p>Two days later, she’s back again. He has homework but she doesn’t, which is annoying. At very least, he’s jealous. Even if he does like that she agreed to come over anyway.  And they’d held hands as they were leaving school, which is the first time they’ve done that. Neither Will nor Kelly were around. Harry can’t remember if he took her hand or if she slipped hers into his, but he does know that it felt really natural and nice and when she looked up at him as he held the door for her so they could go outside, the smile on her face was really fucking cute. </p>
<p>Now, he’s sitting back against his bed and Allie’s wandering around his room and looking at stuff. She’d asked if it was okay, and he doesn’t really feel like he has to hide anything from her, so he’d shrugged and told her to knock herself out. </p>
<p>“Were you and your dad close?” she asks, and she’s over by his desk, where there’s one framed picture of him and his dad together. </p>
<p>Harry thinks he should be put off by the question. He thinks he would be if literally anyone else asked it. Hell, even Kelly, who knew his dad really well, would bring him up sometimes and Harry felt kind of fucking terrible about it. He just didn’t want anyone to make him <i>talk</i> about it. It’s another reason he stopped going to therapy. It felt so much like dwelling on it rather than learning how to move on. He hated that. </p>
<p>But Allie’s not asking because she thinks he needs to process. She’s asking because this is a part of his life she knows nothing about, and she genuinely wants to know. And she’s also being delicate and not making it sound like he <i>has</i> to tell her. If he sort of shuts it down, she won’t push. </p>
<p>That shit they were saying about him falling at her feet...Maybe that’s not how it should be or how it will be. But sometimes Harry thinks he could lay all his baggage there and she might be okay with it. Might help him sort through it. </p>
<p>God, what is he even talking about? He should probably just answer the simple question.</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” he says, because he used to say ‘not really’ and that never felt real. “If he thought I was doing something he liked, yeah. If not, then no.” Allie tilts her head, watches him. She then leans back against his desk, her hands resting on the wood on either side of her. She also thinks it’s funny he has this desk in here and literally never sits at it, and always sits on the bed instead. “He was fickle like that.”</p>
<p>“What did he like?” </p>
<p>Harry closes his textbook, using his highlighter as a bookmark, and smiles a little. It’s weirdly not painful to talk about this with her. </p>
<p>“Sports, but only for the status. Like, he loved Luke because of the quarterback stuff.” Allie nods like she knows exactly what that’s like. ”He was into cars, too.”</p>
<p>“Mm.” She gives him a little smile like he doesn’t have to say more and she’s not going to say anything obvious about how it makes sense, now, that Harry’s into cars, too. “Was he into like, hugging you or supporting you, or?”</p>
<p>It’s a joke. Sort of. It’s a dark fucking joke, but it’s a joke. Harry breathes a laugh, and then Allie moves closer, sits next to him on his bed. His hand moves to her thigh because it’s right there and he likes the contact. She doesn’t let on that she doesn’t like it or wants him to stop.</p>
<p>“Not really,” he tells her. “I was closer with my mom, really, but then...I dunno. Shit’s been different since he died.”</p>
<p>She pauses, then; “That makes sense.” He nods. It <i>does</i>. It just still sucks. “If you ever want to experience the complete opposite of all that, you can come to my place.”</p>
<p>Harry grins at her, welcomes the attention shifting to her instead. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>She shrugs. “It’s kind of opposite. Or maybe the same? I don’t know. My mom and I are super close. Like, really close. Becca thinks it’s weird.” Harry laughs. “My dad and I...He and Cassandra get along better.”</p>
<p>He squints a little. “Why’s that?”</p>
<p>She’s looking at him, and he can practically see her deciding how much she wants to tell. </p>
<p>“Same thing as yours, I guess. My dad’s a professor. Did you know that?” He shakes his head, and Allie just nods. “Academia is really important to him.”</p>
<p>That...makes no sense. </p>
<p>“You’re crazy smart.”</p>
<p>She breathes a laugh and looks downward, then traces her index finger over the scar on his knuckle that’s there from when he burnt it on the oven broiler when he was 13 or something. </p>
<p>“Yeah, but not like her.” She stops again, then takes a breath. “She started reading books with him - like, they’d read together and have all these serious conversations - after her second surgery. Then it just…”</p>
<p>“Wait, what?” She looks up at him, her face white as a sheet and her eyes wide. Harry just… “What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“Cliff’s notes,” she says, and he thinks that’s definitely her signalling she’s not interested in telling him the entire thing. Not now and maybe not ever. “It’s a heart condition. She’s fine now, but. Yeah. And since it’s passed genetically and the gene was identified on his side, I think…” She sighs. Harry wants her to finish. Not because he wants this information about Cassandra, but because it tells him a lot about Allie. A lot. Like, so much shit makes sense now, with this context. “I think he feels guilty, so he overcompensates.”</p>
<p>Allie’s definitely been to therapy, too. He’d almost put money on it. </p>
<p>“I guess that makes sense. In theory,” he says quietly. Allie moves, brings her knee up to her chin. Harry’s hand moves off her, which is fine. Sort of. She rests her cheek on her knee and smiles at him. “But in reality, there’re two of you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but. Like I said, my mom is the best. Like, I love her so much.”</p>
<p>Harry speaks without thinking, says, “That’s really sweet, Allie.”</p>
<p>She reaches over, shoves at his shoulder a little. “I’m really sweet, Harry. Don’t act so surprised.”</p>
<p>He nearly whispers, “I’m not,” and sort of has a thing for the smile he’s rewarded with. </p>
<p>She gets up off his bed and continues her self-guided tour of his room, laughs as she points out the weird decor. He tries not to get distracted when she starts playing pool. It’s just that he’d rather do that than his homework, and she looks hot with her little concentration face on. </p>
<p>“Hey,” he says, and she looks over, stands upright and holds the cue next to her. “Is it this easy to talk with other people? For you, I mean?” She doesn’t say anything, just shakes her head a little, eyes on his, and he was sort of hoping she’d tell him he’s just emotionally stunted, or something. That’s what Kelly used to tell him. “Okay.”</p>
<p>“Are you done yet?” she asks faking impatience. “I’m bored and I wanna know if you’re any good at pool.”</p>
<p>Harry abandons his books. He’ll finish later. After he takes her home. After she’s not standing here laughing. After she’s not around distracting him with her words and her truly awful trash talk and her halfway decent shot at pool. At one point she comes up to him as he’s trying to make a shot and slides her hand up his back and bets him $5 he won’t make it. She wins, which is annoying, and then won’t take his money. She knew exactly what she was doing just then. What he wants to know is <i>why</i>.</p>
<p>Spending time alone with her is easy and fun and nice, and it’s definitely better than spending his evenings in his house by himself.</p>
<p>Allie’s mom is outside watering the flowers when he drops her off at home. She waves at him, gives him this smile he thinks is kind, and then Harry watches as she pulls Allie into a side arm hug and looks at her like she hung the stars in the sky. He’s jealous for a split second. Because there’s no one giving him hugs just for coming home. Honestly, he can’t remember the last time he had that kind of contact with another person. He thinks the closest he’s gotten is with Allie, herself. Before that, it must’ve been Kelly. </p>
<p>God, that’s depressing. </p>
<p>He kisses her cheek in the hallway one day when Will’s approaching and Harry’s gotta go to his next class. He kisses her cheek and he winks at her when she looks up at him with the question practically right there in her eyes, wondering why he’s done it. He throws on a smug grin as he passes Will because honestly <i>fuck</i> that guy. And if Harry glances over his shoulder to see if in fact Will has stopped to talk to her…</p>
<p>He has. And Harry isn’t <i>jealous</i>. He just thinks it’s messed up that Will’s leading her on and has been apparently doing it for a while. It’s not Harry’s place, and he’s been about as direct about it as he’s comfortable being considering the huge favour Allie’s doing for him with all this shit. He just thinks she deserves better. She’s too good for Will. Will, who doesn’t do anything but treat her like a friend when she wants more. Will, who’s too busy eyeing Kelly to actually be good to Allie. Will, who can’t take a hint from Kelly, either, and back off. </p>
<p>Will, who catches up with him in the parking lot after school and says, “Hey,” in such a way that makes Harry really fucking annoyed. </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Allie’s not the kind of girl you can just fuck around with,” Will says, and <i>god</i>, that pisses Harry off. Like, a lot. </p>
<p>Look, his whole thing with people who think he’s an irredeemable asshole is that if they already think that, maybe he should just prove them right. It takes less energy than trying to change their minds.</p>
<p>So he smirks, crosses his arms and looks Will straight in the eye. “What kind of girl is she, then?” he asks, and maybe it’s shitty to talk about her like this. To talk about <i>them</i> like this. Like them dating is just so he can sleep with her, or something. Which it isn’t, obviously, because they’re not <i>dating</i>, and if they were, that’s not all he’d want from her. “And why do you think you know and have the right to tell me?”</p>
<p>“She’s just nice, okay. She’s a good person.”</p>
<p>“I know that,” Harry says, because it’s true and he means it. “And she’s not <i>just</i> nice. She’s a lot of things. But maybe you haven’t been paying attention.”</p>
<p>Will gets this look on his face that lets Harry know Will has <i>absolutely</i> been paying attention. And he doesn’t know if the guy suspects that Harry knows exactly what Allie’s felt about Will, but Harry can tell without a shadow of a doubt that Will knows it. And people think Harry’s the jerk?</p>
<p>“It’s never been like that between us,” Will says quietly, and Harry clenches his jaw. He’s suddenly feeling really protective of Allie. Because she is absolutely too good for this guy or any other guy who puts her through shit like this. “We’re best friends.”</p>
<p>“If you’re her best friend, you’ll trust her to make her own choices about who she wants to date,” Harry says, and knows that’s true. He and Allie have talked about it. Specifically, when he asked her what she’d do if Will got mad at her for choosing Harry. “And be happy for her if she’s happy. But maybe it’s not about that.” Will looks bothered. Harry doesn’t give a shit. “Maybe you actually do want her, and just haven’t admitted it.”</p>
<p>The words taste bad in his mouth. </p>
<p>He realizes he doesn’t want them to be true.</p>
<p>Will looks right at him and says, “I don’t see her that way.”</p>
<p>Harry feels fucking awful for her, but he knows he can’t let on. </p>
<p>“Then seems like there’s no problem here,” he says, pats Will on the shoulder on his way by, and revs his car’s engine because it’s fun and why not?</p>
<p>He realizes he’s going to have to think a lot more and a lot harder about this feeling of victory he’s having. Like he’s got the girl, or something. Because that’s not what this is. It’s not like that. He just also…</p>
<p>Honestly, it took this interaction to make him realize he’s been thinking about Allie more lately than he’s thought about Kelly. And by that he means he’s wanted her more. Not in like...No, he just wants her to like him. He wants her to keep looking at him the way she’s been doing. He likes being around her and he <i>really</i> liked the way she’d looked up at him after he’d kissed her cheek. He likes the time they’ve spent one on one, and he thinks he’s really going to like it if she comes to the party he’s going to ask her to this weekend. Because it’ll be different than the last one. More fun. Because they’re dating, or it looks that way, and he…</p>
<p>He waffles back and forth on telling her what Will said. If he tells her and there’s no longer anything in this for her, she might want to stop. And Harry’s a selfish asshole and he doesn’t want that. Doesn’t want her to stop. </p>
<p>And the thing he’s gotta figure out is if he’s scared that she’ll stop because it’ll mean he can’t continue trying to get Kelly to notice him again, or if he’s scared she’ll stop because it’ll mean he can’t have <i>her</i> like this anymore. </p>
<p>Either way, he thinks it’d be fucking awful of him to not tell her about Will. Because part of the thing he’s been thinking for weeks is that Will’s the worst for not being honest with her. Harry’s been honest with her from the start, and he doesn’t want to stop now. She deserves to know what he knows. </p>
<p>She deserves to have all the information so she can be the one who decides what she wants to do. He isn’t going to keep that from her.</p>
<p>He’s never been inside her house. Which isn’t surprising, really, except it feels like he knows her well enough that it feels a little weird. Her dad opens the door, looks surprised to see him. He knows they know who he is, because West Ham is small as fuck and they’ve been in all the same schools since forever. </p>
<p>“Is Allie home?” he asks, and her dad doesn’t say anything, but pulls the door open and gestures for Harry to come in. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Harry,” her mom says, wiping her hands on a dish towel. The house smells amazing; he didn’t even think of this before deciding to come over, but it’s dinner time. This family has dinner together. Cassandra is staring at him from the living room sofa. She’s reading the book from their English Lit class. “What are you doing here, honey?”</p>
<p>God, this is so fucking weird. He should’ve just texted her. It would’ve saved him all this awkward shit. </p>
<p>He just thought she deserved more than that, you know? If Will’s not gonna tell her to her face, at least Harry could do that. </p>
<p>“I just…” Cassandra tilts her head curiously when he seems to not be able to answer the simplest of fucking questions. “I’m sorry to barge in. I just wanted to talk to Allie quickly. I won’t stay long.”</p>
<p>Her mom is like, really nice. She smiles at him sweetly, puts her hand on her hip. “Stay for dinner,” she says, and then the look on her face, her laser focus on him, or whatever...He wonders what Allie’s told her about his home. His mom. His life. “We’ll set another place at the table.”</p>
<p>“Um. Sure,” he says, and that’s probably stupid. God, maybe Allie won’t want him to be here after they talk. “Thank you so much. I’d love to.”</p>
<p>“Cassandra, show Harry upstairs?” Mr. Pressman says, and Harry ducks his head a little, slips his hands into his pockets. Cassandra looks properly put out by it, which he’d love to be able to enjoy. </p>
<p>Allie’s bedroom door is open and she’s sitting at her desk, her hands in her hair as she reads from her textbook, or whatever, and Cassandra leaves him there without saying anything. He taps on the door gently and Allie turns her head, absolutely lights up when she sees it’s him. He’s not making it up, not at all. She gets this really pretty smile on her face and her eyes are all bright, and she turns in her chair, presses her hands together and slips them between her knees. </p>
<p>“Hi,” she says, instead of asking what he’s doing here. </p>
<p>He leaves the door open because he figures that’s the house rule, or whatever, and he’s absolutely not going to push his luck. He pauses before sitting on her bed, waits for her to gesture that it’s okay, and then she comes over, sits next to him, and asks him if he’s okay. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” he says, which...He is okay. He just feels nervous as fuck. “Yeah. I just wanted to talk to you.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she draws out, brows pinched together. “About what?”</p>
<p>She runs her hand down his back, which is one of the only ways she ever touches him, and he really is so into it. It feels nice. It feels intimate. Like she cares about him, or something.</p>
<p>He looks over at her, can see that she’s getting a little less sure of herself the longer he stays quiet. She’s really gonna hate what he has to say. </p>
<p>“I talked to Will today,” he says, and her hand falls away. “Or he talked to me, I guess.”</p>
<p>She’s just looking at him. “Oh.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he breathes, and like. He’s gotta get his shit together here, or he’s just being cruel and dragging it out. “Yeah. He was being shitty about this. Us.” She blinks twice. He doesn’t know why he counts. “I...I’m really sorry, Allie.”</p>
<p>She looks scared, asks again, “About what?”</p>
<p>“I basically asked if he’s jealous.” Her eyes close, so he presses on. “He said he doesn’t see you that way.”</p>
<p>She looks down at her lap, plays with her hands. He reaches over and covers them with his, mostly to get her to stop. He doesn’t expect her to turn her hand so she’s kind of holding his. He likes it. So much.</p>
<p>He’s really fucked up right now. </p>
<p>“Okay,” she says, which is absolutely not what he expected. He tilts his head a little, lets his breath out. “Don’t look at me like that. Like you pity me. I’m really not surprised.”</p>
<p>Yeah, there’s the anger he was kind of expecting. </p>
<p>“I don’t pity you. I’m worried about you.” It just feels important to make the clarification. “And if you wanna stop, and call it, then…”</p>
<p>She pulls back, looks genuinely confused. “What? No,” she says, a little insistent. “No, there’s still Kelly, right?”</p>
<p>“Allie.” He’s shaking his head. He thinks she’s just faking this, too. That she’s making it seem like she’s okay but she isn’t, not really. It’d maybe be the first time she’s not being real with him. </p>
<p>“Besides, if we break up now, it’ll be suspicious.” Harry doesn’t mean to smile. He really doesn’t. He just realizes he’s glad she’s not rushing to end it. To end spending time together. “Come on. We can’t.”</p>
<p>He lets himself smirk, moves his hand up so it’s loosely holding her wrist. “Good,” he says, which is <i>way</i> too much. So he just meets her eyes and adds, “‘Cause your mom invited me to stay for dinner.”</p>
<p>She lets out a laugh and he watches her as he smiles. “Of course she did. She’s making boeuf bourguignon. It’s so good. She’s definitely just showing off.”</p>
<p>She’s taking this way too well. He thinks. Or maybe it’s just that when she gets up and goes back over to her desk to push her chair in and switch her light desk off, he wishes she wouldn’t have gotten up. He liked - he always likes - how she feels sitting next to him. </p>
<p>“Hey,” he says, then stands, reaching for her when they’re in front of each other. He places his hands on her hips. Both hips. Which is new, really, except when they’re at school and it’s all for show. </p>
<p>“What?” she laughs, her hands going to his upper arms. </p>
<p>“He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”</p>
<p>It makes her smile. It reminds him of when he first mentioned all this, the way she’d said something similar. </p>
<p>Allie leans up, kisses him quickly, then moves past him. </p>
<p>He wants to kiss her more. He thinks it’s wild that all this is just hitting him now. That he wants her and everything’s all complicated, and maybe he still wants Kelly, too, but he’s getting all confused. Because wanting Kelly doesn’t feel the same as it did. It doesn’t feel the same as it does when he thinks about how he wants Allie. </p>
<p>Allie sits next to him at the dinner table, and gasses him up to her family, which she really doesn’t need to do at all. He likes it. He likes the way she looks at him, scrunches her nose when her mom’s kind of teasing her about this. He likes the way her mom keeps calling him honey, and listens to him when he talks. </p>
<p>He likes that after he and Allie and Cassandra have cleared the table and tidied the kitchen, even Cassandra says goodbye to him when he’s leaving. Allie’s dad says he’ll see Harry soon. Allie steps out onto the porch with him and pulls the door closed. </p>
<p>“You know, you didn’t have to make them fall in love with you.”</p>
<p>Harry smiles, puts his hand on her again, and leans down to kiss her cheek. Which he really doesn’t have to do, either. But she didn’t have to kiss him in her room and she did anyway, so what’s the difference, really? </p>
<p>He knows the lines are getting blurred. He doesn’t want to stop it. </p>
<p>“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asks. Allie nods, and he just thinks she looks really pretty right now. “You look really pretty right now.”</p>
<p>He really just wanted to see her smile again. </p>
<p>“Goodnight, Harry.”</p>
<p>He steps down off the porch. By the time he’s in his car, she’s inside. He notices the porch light turns off only as he’s pulling away. </p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>She falls asleep on his bed when they’re watching a movie together and they’re not really alone in the house because his sister is home. She’s just sleeping down the hall, too. </p>
<p>Allie’s been trying to keep her eyes open, it’s just that he keeps rubbing his fingertips over her scalp sort of absent-mindedly, and eventually she can’t really fight it anymore. She’s also sort of generally just stopped fighting how much she likes being around him. Or questioning why they sit this close or hang out alone at all when this is really just supposed to be for…</p>
<p>Allie doesn’t know when it stopped being that. She does know it was before he told her about Will. And she also knows that she’s thought <i>way</i> too long and too much about the fact that Harry, who doesn’t really owe her anything, honestly, was so quick to be honest with her. People want to act like he doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and certainly wouldn’t burden himself worrying about someone else’s feelings. Allie knows, though, that is not true. It’s not. And maybe it never has been. </p>
<p>When she wakes up, the movie is almost over, and Harry’s arm is around her, her body turned towards his and her hand on his chest. </p>
<p>“Hey, sleepy,” he says, teasing, and Allie wants to stretch but also doesn’t want to move. “I can’t believe you fell asleep during Lost in Translation.” </p>
<p>She says what she wants to say with no filter whatsoever, which is, “It’s not that good.” And she’s right. She’s seen the second half once before, and the first half now tonight, with him. Harry’s quiet, though, so she tilts her head up to look at him. He’s kind of just watching her. “And you’re comfortable.” </p>
<p>He breathes out a laugh and pulls her closer, and Allie slides her leg over his for absolutely no reason at all. </p>
<p>“I should probably get you home,” he says all quietly. </p>
<p>“Mm.” She can hear his heartbeat. It’s weirdly calming. “Tired of sharing your bed with me?”</p>
<p>She knows what she’s doing. She knows what she’s doing and she’s doing it anyway. </p>
<p>He just says, “No,” and then his fingertips are sliding up her arm and coming to rest on her shoulder. </p>
<p>Her parents will kill her if she’s not home by the time she said she would be. That really isn’t doing much to stop her from wanting to stay.</p>
<p>When she tips her head up so she can see him and asks, “What, you want me to stay?” she thinks it’s absolutely a mistake. </p>
<p>But then he sort of blinks slowly and takes a breath and…</p>
<p>Maybe it’s insane that she knows him well enough to know that he <i>does</i>. </p>
<p>She gets up, because she can’t...She can’t let the same thing happen twice in a row. God, she doesn’t even know what that would be. Like, having a thing for someone who’s meant to be a friend? Having a thing for someone who’s into someone else? (Having a thing for someone who’s into Kelly, specifically?) </p>
<p>Allie sits up, her left hand resting on the mattress next to him. He slides his hand down her arm so it’s sort of circling her wrist. He’s watching her. She pushes her hair back and yawns, which makes him smile like he thinks it’s cute, or something. </p>
<p>Honestly, the scariest thing is that it never felt like this with Will. Not just because they never really <i>cuddled</i>, or whatever, but because Harry’s usually looking at <i>her</i>, and not something else. </p>
<p>Sunday, she goes to the diner to study with Will. She gets a pot of tea and they share an order of fries like usual. Allie doesn’t have as much work to do as he does, but she doesn’t mind getting a head start on some reading, too, while they’re here. She’s just distracted by her phone, because Harry keeps texting her. She doesn’t mind that at all, either. </p>
<p>“How’s it going?” Will asks, gesturing to her phone, and doesn’t sound like he actually wants to know. Allie’s a little annoyed by it. Like, sure, he’s making an effort to be interested in her life, and that’s nice. But he sounds nearly pained by having to ask about this particular thing. </p>
<p>The reason that bothers her is that he’s made it clear it doesn’t matter. Well, he’s told someone who isn’t her, and that someone actually seems to care about her feelings and let her know. </p>
<p>“Good,” she says, because that’s the truth. </p>
<p>She turns her phone’s screen and shows him a stupid picture Harry took last night. They’re in his kitchen and waiting for the popcorn in the microwave. Harry’d told her she looked hilarious with her hair on her head like that, and then insisted he wanted a photo with her. So it couldn’t be that bad. In the photo, her face is all scrunched and Harry’s arm is half in the frame and he’s laughing at her. It’s...It’s truly a terrible photo of both of them. Will looks like he’s hiding a smile.  </p>
<p>“That’s good,” he tells her, and then goes back to working for a few seconds before setting his pencil down again. “Are you sure?”</p>
<p>Allie pins him with a look, sets her phone down. “Yeah, Will,” she says, and knows she sounds a little shitty, but like...She’s just meeting him where he’s started this. “I’m sure I know how I’m feeling about my relationship.” Will sighs. She doesn’t want to hear whatever thing he’s about to say. “Just because you dislike and want to pass judgment on Harry doesn’t mean I have to.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I’m saying.”</p>
<p>She raises a brow, shakes her head. “Are you sure?” she says, and knows it’s sort of bratty, but like. Whatever. “Because I know him better than you do, and I can definitely make my own choices.”</p>
<p>He takes a deep breath and lets it out, nods and goes back to his work without saying anything else. Allie eats the last of the fries off the plate without asking if he wants any of them. </p>
<p>She also continues texting Harry, know knows what she’s supposed to be doing and who she’s with. </p>
<p>Will apologizes before they leave. He says he just wants to make sure she’s happy, and that he’s happy for her. That it’s just weird to see her with the king of their town, or something. She thinks that part’s a joke. She doesn’t laugh. </p>
<p>Monday at school when she and Will are standing with Becca and talking about their trig homework, Harry comes up behind her and slides a hand across her back, leans in to kiss her on the cheek. Will says, “Hey,” and Harry says, “Hey,” and Becca looks like some kind of blood feud has just been settled. </p>
<p>Allie and Harry walk away, and he says, grinning, “I think I’m gaining ground.” </p>
<p>Allie rolls her eyes, tilts her head when they get to the spot between their homerooms which is usually where they say goodbye to each other until lunch. </p>
<p>“I think it’s weird you both keep talking about it like it’s a contest.”</p>
<p>Harry leans against the wall, smiles down at her and reaches out to play with the bracelet on her wrist as she holds her books to her chest. </p>
<p>“It is,” he says softly, then meets her eyes again and adds, “And I won.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” she asks, takes a half step closer. Harry responds easily, reaches up and puts his hand on her cheek. “And what’s the prize?”</p>
<p>She knows the answer, or at least can guess the goofy thing he’s going to say in case anyone’s listening. </p>
<p>But what he does is leans down, brushes his lips against hers, and says, “You,” so quietly there’s no way anyone else could hear. </p>
<p>Allie scoffs, looks away, tells him she’ll see him later. He says he’ll save her a seat at their lunch table. As if anyone else would sit next to him now, when they now think that’s where she belongs.</p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>Kelly’s parents host this stupid party to celebrate their anniversary. Harry says it’s stupid because he doesn’t want to be there. Not because he thinks 20 years of marriage isn’t worth celebrating. He tried to get out of it, too. He told his mom it would be weird as fuck for him to turn up considering he and Kelly aren’t together anymore. She’d told him that was nonsense and the Aldrich family has always been nice to him and he was coming, whether he wanted to or not. </p>
<p>For some reason, he was worried about Allie’s reaction, scared she’d be mad at him for going to his ex’s house on a Friday evening. But he also wasn’t just going to not tell her. And when he did, he told her he really didn’t have a choice, and she’d just laughed and asked why he was so nervous about it. </p>
<p>And then the way she’d said, “And isn’t this the perfect opportunity to talk to Kelly?” had made him think she really didn’t mean it.</p>
<p>It sort of caught him off guard, to be honest. He knows it’s fucked up but most of the time he forgets that’s why they’re doing all this. He just hasn’t figured out the best way to tell Allie that he thinks he doesn’t really want Kelly at all. </p>
<p>That what he wants is Allie. </p>
<p>He thinks. </p>
<p>God, why is this so fucking confusing? Really, the thing he’s worried about is that the thing Kelly said about him being scared to be by himself is true. That he’s only as into Allie as he is because she’s around. Because they hang out the way they do and she seems to <i>like him</i>. Does he just like the attention? Or does he really like the way she smiles at him? The way they can talk. The way she doesn’t let him get away with anything, and the way she never really <i>asks</i> him to put himself out there with her. That’s what makes him do it, really. </p>
<p>He’s picking away at a tiny plate of food in the Aldrich’s sitting room, his sister nearby and talking to Luke’s little brother. His mom told him he only has to stay a couple hours, so he’s trying not to check his watch too often. </p>
<p>Kelly walks up in her pretty navy blue dress and her hair braided away from her face. Harry smiles because she’s smiling. His heart doesn’t race, or anything. He isn’t wracking his brain trying to think of the perfect thing to say that might make her miss him, or want them back, or something. </p>
<p>And that’s about him, not about Allie. </p>
<p>(But also, the idea of ending something with Allie so he could be with someone else is… He doesn’t want to be with someone else.) </p>
<p>“Hey,” she says, and leans against the wall next to him.</p>
<p>“Hey.” </p>
<p>“The food’s okay, right?”</p>
<p>He shrugs. Like, this is where they are now? Talking about catering food. “Yeah. It’s good. How are you?”</p>
<p>She laughs a little, looks out at the crowd. “Good, I guess. You’re lucky you get to leave.” He laughs. They used to bail on these things together. Even if they were at one of their houses. They’d go off and… “Are you coming to Grizz’s party tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he answers, nodding. </p>
<p>“With Allie?”</p>
<p>He slides his eyes towards her. Fuck. “Yeah. With Allie.”</p>
<p>She pauses a moment, then looks right at him. “You two are cute together.” <i>This</i> is when his heart races. He wants to agree, but he doesn’t think she’s done talking. “At first I thought it was all happening way too fast.” Harry swallows. It <i>was</i> fast. The showy part of it. The feelings part was slower. “But I think I was just jealous.”</p>
<p>“What?” he asks, because….Because she didn’t <i>say</i> anything, or indicate at all that she had <i>any</i> thoughts about his moving on. </p>
<p>He’s trying not to think very hard about how different things would be if she’d said something. </p>
<p>She smiles, lets out this little laugh. “It was hard seeing you with someone else. But I think you two are good for each other. Better than you and I are.” </p>
<p>Harry just nods. He nods because he agrees. She’s right. </p>
<p>He says, “I really like Allie a lot,” for the first time out loud, and yes, it’s fucked up that he’s saying it to his ex-girlfriend, but also, he thinks there’s something right about it, you know? </p>
<p>Maybe the whole thing is he needs to know without a shadow of a doubt that he and Kelly have closure. </p>
<p>The way she says, “I can tell,” makes him wonder if she’s onto him. If she knows this whole thing. If her saying that thing about it being too fast, and her jealousy is because she <i>knew</i>.</p>
<p>But it doesn’t matter. They still got to the same place, right? </p>
<p>She takes a deep breath, smiles at him like this conversation has been <i>good</i>, and necessary, and they both are better for it. </p>
<p>“How long do you have to stay?” she asks, grinning like she knows he’s counting the seconds. </p>
<p>“15 minutes more.” </p>
<p>Kelly turns to him, something shining in her eyes. Something he used to really genuinely love. </p>
<p>“Get out of here,” she says quietly. He can’t help smiling at her. “I’ll cover for you.”</p>
<p>He watches her a second, wonders if he should say something more. But what he does instead is put his plate down and say, “Thanks, Kelly,” and then texts Allie as he’s walking home. </p>
<p>Honestly, she’s the one he wants to talk to, the one he would’ve brought with him to this stupid thing if that would’ve been appropriate, but it probably isn’t. He knows she’s bingeing Downton Abbey with her mom tonight. She’d invited him to come hang out with them. He’d wanted to say yes. </p>
<p>He doesn’t say anything about talking to Kelly, and Allie doesn’t ask, and when he’s lying on his bed thinking about that, he honestly feels like it just confirms what he’d already been thinking.</p>
<p>She wants him like he wants her. Kelly, or Will, or anyone else...It doesn’t matter. It has no bearing on whether or not he and Allie continue this. No, that’s entirely up to them. </p>
<p>He knows he doesn’t want it to end. He knows he’s gotta tell her sooner rather than later. He doesn’t want to trick her into being his girlfriend. Mostly because he’s pretty sure he doesn’t have to.</p>
<p>… … ...</p>
<p>Making out with Harry at a party is something she would’ve laughed at the thought of, just a month ago. And weeks ago, she would’ve laughed at the thought of actually <i>wanting</i> to make out with him. </p>
<p>It’s just that he’s sitting next to her on this big sectional at Grizz Visser’s house, and this Ariana Grande song she loves comes on, and Harry gives her a look when she glances his way. No one’s really paying attention to them this second, but Harry knows her thoughts on Ariana despite not really being super into mainstream pop music like that. </p>
<p>Harry’s thumb is sliding over her hairline as they talk and he drinks whatever that is in his cup. Allie’s sitting right in the corner of the couch where the two sides meet, her legs over his. He’s teasing her about her hair, toying with the little flyaway pieces by her temple. </p>
<p>“I think you like it,” she tells him, for absolutely no good reason. He just grins. “And this is some schoolyard shit.”</p>
<p>Harry laughs, leans closer. Allie watches his eyes move to her lips. What? That’s…</p>
<p>It’s exactly what she wants. What she’s been fighting. What they’ve somehow and for some reason been moving closer and closer to these last couple weeks. </p>
<p>“I do like it,” he says way too quietly. The way he’s looking at her is…</p>
<p>God, she never thought she’d <i>want him</i>, but now that she does, she wonders why it never actually occurred to her before. </p>
<p>She leans forward, and when she kisses him he responds immediately. The way his hand moves to cup her cheek is way too natural for her to think he doesn’t want it, too. And when, after a few moments of just kissing, he moves his tongue against her bottom lip, she <i>knows</i> he hears the sound she lets out as she opens her mouth for him. </p>
<p>She wants to leave. She sort of tries to pull back to suggest maybe they don’t need to do this in front of everyone they know, but his hand on the back of her neck feels <i>good</i> there as he just sort of leans forward, chasing her a little, so they can keep kissing. She likes this way too much. <i>Way</i> too much. Too much period, but definitely too much for them to be sitting in Grizz Visser’s living room with a bunch of people around. </p>
<p>“Wait,” she breathes, and Harry laughs, but not <i>at her</i>, or anything. He rests his forehead against hers, and he’s smiling, she thinks, and her thumb strokes against his collarbone through his shirt. “What are we doing?”</p>
<p>Now he laughs in amusement instead of...whatever that other thing was. </p>
<p>She half expects him to make some joke about her inexperience or having to spell it out to her, or something. </p>
<p>What he does instead is say, “Allie,” in this quiet voice that makes her…</p>
<p>It’s just a really good voice. And she thinks she’d believe that even if he wasn’t using it to say her name. </p>
<p>“I told you I don’t like PDA.” </p>
<p>She hopes the smile on her face is enough to indicate she’s definitely joking. </p>
<p>He just grins, and god, why does he always have to look so good. “Yeah, and then you kissed me.” She slides her teeth over her bottom lip, which he watches, and then he takes a deep breath. That makes her laugh a little. “Do you wanna go?”</p>
<p><i>Yes</i>.</p>
<p>“No.” She leans back against the cushions again. She’s drinking this shitty vodka drink because high schoolers are gross and this was the best of the bad options, and she just picks up her cup again. </p>
<p>And anyway, why does he want to leave? She knows her motivation - she wants to kiss him more where there’re no witnesses. But there’s no way it’s the same for him. Kelly’s here, drinking white wine she and Helena brought from Luke’s, and getting more and more outgoing the more she drinks. Allie sort of hates that, but it’s really not her place to say. Allie thinks Harry’s barely paid attention to Kelly all night, which...It’s not that it feels new, it’s just that she likes having his attention and it’s sort of wild that she can’t have a reminder of what this is all about. </p>
<p>Grizz comes over, then, and Allie wants to thank him for saving the day and ruining the moment. Because if Harry kept looking at her like that, she’d do something really stupid, like change her answer to his question, and tell him they should go to his place. She knows his mom’s not home tonight. </p>
<p>That really shouldn’t matter. And it doesn’t. It doesn’t, really. It’s just...A piece of information she knows. </p>
<p>Grizz puts an arm around each of them, leans down so he’s between them. “You two really bring up the appeal of my party.” Allie laughs at him, looks at Harry, who seems equally as confused as she is. “You’re the new it couple.” Allie rolls her eyes. Harry’s just watching her. Someone takes a picture of the three of them. “People are talking about prom.”</p>
<p>Harry looks into his cup before he takes a drink. Allie’s just watching him. </p>
<p>“Well, what are they saying?” she asks. Harry looks at her like he knows, and that it should be obvious. It’s not. She doesn’t feel bad about it. </p>
<p>“Prom king and queen,” Grizz says, then stands, squeezes both their shoulders.</p>
<p>Harry’s quiet when they’re left alone. </p>
<p>Allie doesn’t want to be here anymore. </p>
<p>“Let’s go now?” she asks, sets her mostly empty cup on the table and stands. Harry gets up, too, then reaches for her hand. She lets him, walks towards the door and waves at a few people on their way out. </p>
<p>She’s also very much trying not to freak out. </p>
<p>They can’t be prom king and queen. My god. There’s something panic-inducing about being memorialized that way for this fake fucking thing that honestly she’s suddenly feeling really kind of shitty about.</p>
<p>Because it’s <i>not</i> fake. Because she likes him. Because kissing him inside made her feel more and better than she has kissing anyone else ever. </p>
<p>And because he can’t want it, either. He hasn’t even <i>asked her</i>. She doesn’t have a dress, because she wasn’t going to go. And she’s kind of freaking out about the idea that Harry was always going to be prom king, and if he wasn’t with Kelly when it came time for voting, everyone would vote for whatever girl was his date. It seems everyone’s been aware of that except her. </p>
<p>The plan was always for him to walk her home from this party. Honestly, she’s surprised she was allowed to come, because her parents definitely know there’s underage drinking happening. But they said they trust her, and they trust Harry. </p>
<p>Allie wants to pull her hand from his as soon as they’re on the street, but she can’t seem to make herself do it. </p>
<p>“Allie…”</p>
<p>She doesn’t look at him. “We can’t go to prom together.”</p>
<p>He stops walking, and now they’re just standing on the street two houses down from Grizz’s, holding hands under the street lamp. </p>
<p>“What?” he asks, and Allie looks at him. He looks confused. No, actually. That’s not confusion. He looks angry, or something. “Why not?”</p>
<p>She really should take her hand away. When she tries, he squeezes a little like he doesn’t want to let go. Allie just looks at him. What is this? Is he…?</p>
<p>“I’m not gonna go with you, and be prom queen, or whatever, and have it all be make believe,” she says, a little fuelled by the single drink she had, but mostly fuelled by this probably fucking insane feeling of hurt that he’s willing to do it, to put them in that position, all so he can… “You should go alone, so there’s a chance for you and Kelly to…”</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” he says, shaking his head. He does pull his hand away, but just to bring both up to her shoulders so she’ll look at him. “Allie.” </p>
<p>God, the way he says her name, the way it always sounds like a breath, like this exhale like he sort of can’t believe she’s real. Is it any wonder she has a thing for him? Honestly, the only crazy thing about any of this anymore is that she thought this wasn’t exactly what would happen. </p>
<p>Shit. He’s saying something and she’s missing it because she’s looking at his eyes, looking at the shadows on his face and thinking about how she feels about him.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>He shakes his head, lets go of her. She misses the warmth of his hands. </p>
<p>“This isn’t make believe,” he says, which is, she thinks, not at all what he was actually just saying, and instead is a simplification that she definitely needs. He gestures towards Grizz’s house. “And I don’t know how you can kiss me like that and still think there’s nothing real here.”</p>
<p>She feels embarrassed, or something. Some surge of adrenaline that…</p>
<p>Yeah, it’s definitely not embarrassment. It’s actually just a <i>rush</i> from being the one he wants. From being wanted by the person she wants. </p>
<p>She throws her arms over his shoulders and presses herself against him, kisses him because she gets the sense he won’t stop her. That he’ll welcome it. And he does. His hands move up her back to hold her in place, and she should be much more aware of the fact that they’re in the street near midnight and they haven’t really <i>talked</i> about their feelings. They should do that. They should definitely not just do more of this, because they’ve kind of been acting like they like each other all along, and so she definitely needs to know more than what they can say by doing this. </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” she asks, pulling away just enough to say it. Harry lets out a breath, smiles, and rests his forehead against hers. </p>
<p>“You like me,” he tells her, like he thinks maybe she doesn’t know, or something. Which is kind of hilarious. Because she’s really fucking aware of it and has been for weeks.</p>
<p>God, maybe he’s been aware of it, too.</p>
<p>She’s being a brat when she says, “So?” and it makes him grin at her, take a deep breath and reach up to play with her hair again like he was before, inside. “What’re you gonna do about it?”</p>
<p>He lets out this really hot sound she absolutely is going to spend way too much time thinking about, and flexes his hand on her waist, and seems to be thinking about what he wants to say.</p>
<p>What he comes out with is, “Keep dating you?” and it’s all quiet, soft, like he thinks there’s a sliver of a chance she might not want that, too. Which is insane. Because she does. God, it’s all she wants. </p>
<p>(It is very much not <i>all</i> she wants. All she wants could never be limited to a guy. But right now? With Harry looking incredibly good under this street lamp, his hands on her and this look on his face telling her he’s really genuinely waiting for an answer…)</p>
<p>Allie smiles, nods, says, “Yeah,” and then kisses him, and when he laughs against her mouth like he kind of can’t believe it, she decides it might be the best sound.</p>
<p>… … …</p>
<p>They’re making out in his car in his driveway because it started pouring on their way here and she leaned over and kissed him as soon as he’d cut the engine. Which he doesn’t mind at all, because making out with his girlfriend is always good and enjoyable and preferable to walking through the rain, even if it’s just to get to his house. </p>
<p>When he cracks one eye open, he sees that the windows are literally fogging up, and laughs, and then Allie pulls away and when he points, and groans and leans back in her seat. </p>
<p>“I refuse to be a cliché,” she says, then reaches for her backpack off the floorboard. Right. They’re supposed to do homework, or whatever. Her eyes are still a little glassy, which he’s always liked after kissing her. “Let’s make a run for it.” </p>
<p>She doesn’t wait for him, just opens the door, slams it shut and sprints toward the covered porch. She still gets soaked, and so does he when he makes a break for it, too. She uses her thumb to wipe the raindrops off his nose, and he can’t help himself, leans down and kisses her before fitting his key into the lock to let them in. </p>
<p>Allie pushes her hair back once she’s in his room. He doesn’t think she even notices he’s looking at her. Which isn’t new, exactly. It’s been this way a while. She has her backpack on his bed, and she’s pulling things out of it. Harry’s just standing there. </p>
<p>“What?” she asks, laughing, and he moves towards her, puts his arms around her so his hands are on the small of her back. “Homework can wait?”</p>
<p>He doesn’t mean to grin the way he does, just...He likes her a lot. Enough that he just nods because she’s definitely right. It can wait. </p>
<p>Still, he wants to tease her, so he asks, “What do you wanna do instead?”</p>
<p>Honestly, it’s kind of impressive that she can look irritated and turned on at the same time. When he tells her he’s into it, she just nips his bottom lip and says, “Of course you are,” and Harry...He decides to just go with it.</p>
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